


The Ghosts of Us

by DavinaCFox



Category: Gotham (TV)
Genre: Affairs, Domestic Violence, Emotional Hurt, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Falling In Love, Gay Sex, Handcuffs, Heartbreak, Hurt/Comfort, Lost Love, Love Triangles, M/M, Mpreg, Romance, Rough Sex, S&M, Secrets, Tattoos, Tender Sex, True Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-01
Updated: 2018-11-01
Packaged: 2019-08-14 09:23:45
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 40,777
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16489940
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DavinaCFox/pseuds/DavinaCFox
Summary: Jim Gordon hears worrying news about an old flame, and recalls in flashback the love affair he shared with Oswald, and why it was doomed to failure as he tries to get to the truth of what has happened to his former love, whose life seems to be shrouded in secrecy by those who love him.He recalls how, years before, he once broke up a fight between Oswald Cobblepot and Edward Nygma - not realising this will be the start of a wild affair with the man the city knows as Penguin, whose relationship with Ed had recently grown increasingly violent. While the affair becomes passionate and love begins to blossom, Jim wonders if he will risk all to keep Oswald close.But their passionate affair will come to a traumatic and heartbreaking end - and ten years on, Jim can't leave the past alone as he tries to find out what has happened to his lost love - a search that will have very surprising consequences...





	1. Chapter 1

Introduction:

 

**Ten Years later:**

 

For Jim, it had all come rushing back to him when he had bumped into Barbara Kean and rather than avoid him, she had spoken to him as they stood together on the sidewalk on a bright spring morning.

“How are you these days?” she asked.

“Fine,” he replied, not wanting to recall their relationship or the break up that was so far back the memories hadn't even stung for years, not until now, when he was looking into her eyes. So much had happened since Barbara, and right now it felt like the memories of all else that had happened had never burned so brightly. It had been several years since they had last spoken.

“I was just wondering,” she said, “Do you ever speak to Ozzy?”

He had to pause to think who she meant.

“Ozzy who?”

“Your Ozzy...Oswald?”

He felt a jolt as he looked at her, wondering how the hell she had known about that...

“Me and Oswald?”

She smiled briefly, then her smile faded.

“He told me all about it a long time ago. We're good friends now, we have been for years. I was just wondering if you knew... about Oswald?”

She looked at him intently. He looked back at her as he felt a flicker of concern.

“No, I haven't spoken to him for ten years.”

“Maybe you should get in touch,” was all she said, then she walked away.

Jim watched as she left, standing there alone in the middle of the busy street, as he thought back ten years to a love affair he had not expected, a love so deep it still made his heart ache: _It had started with a fight on a rainy night in a filthy alley, and had led to an unexpected love affair with Oswald Cobblepot..._

 

Chapter 1

 

**Ten Years Before:**

 

It was late, gone midnight and raining. As they left by the back of the club, Ed walked on ahead of his lover, anger burning in his eyes.

“ _Ed, wait!”_ Oswald leaned heavily on his cane as he stepped out into the rain, not caring about the heavy downpour soaking his suit and making his spiked hair go flat as the rainfall worsened.

Ed turned around, glaring at him as Oswald hobbled over to him and looked up, meeting his furious expression with fire of his own.

“Don't you _ever_ do that to me in the club again!”

Ed's eyes glittered darkly as his hand closed into a fist.

“I told you to get rid of that damned iceberg!”

“It's a centre piece!”

“ _It was my prison!”_ Ed yelled, “You put me in there, on display like some kind of animal! _And_ I haven't forgotten you killed Isabella!”

“That was a long time ago,” Oswald reminded him sharply, “Don't you _ever_ forget who I am, Edward Nygma! I'm Penguin, you _don't_ grab me by the throat and shove me against a wall in front if everyone in the club! If anyone else had done that to me I'd have Victor put a bullet in their head!”

Oswald leaned in, looking up at him as Ed leaned down, glaring at his lover.

“You can give me half the club and half your money and the power that goes with it, but I'll _never_ forgive you, Oswald!”

By now Oswald's eyes had started to tear up with hurt and anger as he stood there in the rain, lately there had been too many confrontations with Ed and tonight had been the very worst, all over that iceberg that stood in the middle of the Lounge...

“Why can't you let the past go? I've forgiven you for shooting me!”

“ _I don't forgive you!”_ Ed yelled.

Then he lunged at him, slamming him against the wall of the club as Oswald struggled to balance, his damaged leg was taking too much weight as he raised his cane, lashing out and missing Ed's face as it hit his shoulder with a crack. Then Ed's fist was in his face, he moved so fast Oswald had no time to duck, as he slumped to the ground, Ed hit him again.

“ _I'm going to kill you!”_ Oswald yelled _,_ now he was on his knees as he dragged his dagger free from the top of his cane, blood was running from a cut above his eye, his cheek was bruised and his eyes blazed with rage as he staggered to his feet, half slipping in the rain as his crippled leg made it hard to stand.

“Nothing is ever good enough any more, _why_? What's wrong with me? _Why don't I make you happy any more?_ ” he yelled.

“ _You never did!”_ Ed shouted back, then he lunged forward and the two men struggled.

“Are you really gonna kill me, Oswald?” Ed said darkly as he grabbed at his wrists and suddenly seemed much stronger than he had ever been before as his eyes reflected coldness and he laughed, “You're just no match for me, are you?”

He aimed a kick at Oswald's crippled leg and as he buckled, he twisted his wrist and the dagger slipped from his grip. As it fell to the ground, making a metallic sound as the steel hit the rain soaked concrete, a look of panic came to his eyes as he realised Ed had overpowered him.

“Ed, no, please...”

“ _Shut up, Oswald!”_ he hissed, and slammed his fist into his face again, letting go as he fell hard to the wet ground. He took two steps closer, looking down at him as both his fists tightened.

“ _You really want to kill me? You said you loved me, what the fuck is wrong with you, Ed?”_ Oswald yelled as tears of pain and anger ran down his face. He was on his side, his suit was soaked with rain and filth from the alley, his leg was screaming pain and he couldn't get up, he was trying to push himself upwards, knowing his cane and his dagger were out of reach and Ed was about to give him more of the same. 

Then there was the unmistakeable _click_ of a gun ready to fire, Ed had heard it right behind his left ear and he froze.

“ _Walk away, Nygma.”_

He slowly raised his hands and turned his head a fraction, then cold steel was pressed behind his ear.

“ _I SAID, START WALKING!”_

Ed's shoulders relaxed. He slowly lowered his hands.

“Okay, I'm going...”

He turned around as the gunman stepped aside, his weapon still trained on him in a two handed grip.

“ _Go!”_ he was ordered again.

Ed laughed as he shook his head, glancing back at Oswald who was in a bruised and bloody mess on the ground, “Oh look, the GCPD have arrived to save you...” he said coldly, shaking his head as he walked away.

Oswald was struggling to get up, then the cop who had saved him stepped closer and held out his hand. As he looked up into the eyes of Jim Gordon, Oswald felt sure he had never been so pleased to see him.

“Thank you, Jim,” he said with gratitude as he staggered to his feet.

Jim left him leaning against the wall while he picked up the dagger and then his cane, he rejoined him and glanced down at the dagger, then looked at Oswald.

“I'm going to pretend I didn't see this,” he said, sliding the concealed dagger back into place, then he handed his cane back. By now the rain was stopping.

“Thanks again, Jim. I'd better be on my way -”

“Not so fast,” Jim cut in, “Oswald, he nearly killed you!”

“I've had more than a few drinks and so has Ed. We don't fight often.”

As he looked at him, Jim was surprised by just how much sympathy he felt for the man the city knew as Penguin; he had always imagined Oswald could cope in a fight, but to see him like this, to find him bruised and bleeding in a filthy alley as his lover Ed Nygma stood over him ready to give him another beating, was a hell of a shock. He looked intently at Oswald, noticing his cut knuckles as his hand shook and he leaned weakly on his cane, his suit was soaked and filthy, his face was cut and bruised and he looked very shaken up. He didn't look like Penguin the crime boss, at this moment, he looked like every other domestic violence victim he had seen during the course of his career as a cop.

“Do you want to go to the hospital and get those injuries checked out?” he asked.

“Believe me, Jim, I've been in worse fights. I think you know this penguin's a tough bird. There's nothing broken. I'll live.”

“At least let me take you somewhere safe for the night,” Jim offered.

“No, I can make my own way home. But thank you for the offer,” he managed a smile despite his obvious pain.

“I don't think you should go back to the house tonight, give Ed some time to sober up and calm down.”

“ I can't sleep in my office, Jim, the floor is too hard!” Oswald shivered in his rain soaked clothing.

“Let's get out of the cold,” Jim said, putting an arm around his shoulder and steering him towards the mouth of the alley, “Just sit in my car for a while.”

“Thank you,” Oswald said again as he painfully limped towards the end of the alley where Jim's car was parked across the street under clear view of a street light, “I am very cold...” he admitted, and he was still shivering, Jim could feel it as he kept his arm around his shoulder.

 

They reached the car, he helped Oswald into the passenger seat and closed the door, then as he walked around to the driver's side and got in, it surprised him how glad he felt that Oswald was safe.

“How long has Ed been beating you?”

Oswald turned his head sharply, ignoring the ache in his neck and shoulder as he moved, he didn't doubt he would ache all over tomorrow and his leg would be twice as painful as usual, but to hear Jim talk as if he was helpless had stoked up his anger.

“We had a fight! I'm not some helpless cripple, Jim!”

“I didn't mean it like that. I meant, how long has he been so aggressive towards you?”

Oswald gave a sigh, as he leaned back against the seat and closed his eyes the thought struck Jim that Oswald was fragile, but not in a helpless way, even with his cuts and bruises, he still had fire in his eyes, that look that reminded him how he had managed to grab such a position of power in this city. The man was certainly no angel, but for the first time, he was looking at him in a new light, and feeling drawn to him.

There was some kind of fascination awakening and he didn't want to think too much about how pretty this guy was. The thought had vaguely come to him before and he had pushed it aside, Jim had enjoyed quite a few relationships over the years, mainly with women – but there had been a couple of guys, way back. Being out here tonight, seeing that fight, taking him back to his car in the middle of the lonely and miserable night, it was all coming together and Jim really didn't want to focus on it even though it was there:

 _Yes, he found him attractive. Now he just wished that thought would move along and leave him alone..._ He was also surprised at his depth of concern for him, too. In that moment he had raised that gun, he had never felt so fiercely protective towards Oswald...

“Ed's been getting mad at the slightest things lately,” Oswald told him as rain dripped from his hair, “I don't know why. He's just not the Ed I used to know. It's probably my fault. I should have got rid of the iceberg, I should have tried harder to make him forget the past. We've hurt each other,” as he made that remark he looked into Jim's eyes, “We've both hurt each other in so many ways... maybe he just can't take being around me any more, maybe I'm losing him!”

As he gave a quiet sob, Jim put a gentle hand on his shoulder.

“Maybe he needs to go back to Arkham -”

Oswald's face was streaked with tears as he turned his head sharply, glaring at him for making such a suggestion.

“If he goes back to Arkham he will _never_ come out again, not with his history!”

“I'm aware that his previous crimes have been conveniently overlooked and charges filed against him have been thrown out, but that's only because you have half of Gotham on your payroll,” Jim reminded him, “It doesn't change what he is and that is also on his medical records – he's a psychopath who has already killed a previous partner. I don't want you to overlook that risk.”

Oswald's expression softened as he smiled and shook his head, then fixed Jim with a firm gaze.

“Jim, I don't think you understand. Edward and I are... _complicated._ Tomorrow, we will be just fine.”

“And I'm not taking a chance on you going home tonight,” Jim replied, “he's had no time to cool off. So either I take you in for the night and put you in a cell -”

“ _A cell?”_ Oswald exclaimed, “I've done nothing wrong, I was defending myself!”

The thought had just occurred to Jim that Oswald looked damned cute when he protested like that. His jaw had dropped, his eyes had gone wide, he looked so angry yet so... _kissable_. No, he cancelled that thought quickly and tried not to smile as he added, “Or you could stay at my place for the night. You could get cleaned up, get some rest, and I'll take you home in the morning.”

Oswald gave a sigh and as he spoke, was clearly annoyed.

“Okay, take me back to your place. It's not like I have any say in the matter!”

Jim pulled away from the roadside and started on the drive home, all the while watching the road ahead, not daring to crack a smile as Penguin sat beside him in a sulky silence.

 

Once they were back at Jim's apartment, he wasted no time, running a hot bath and then waiting outside the door while Oswald undressed, then opened the door a fraction, thrusting out his wet, dirty clothing quickly.

“I'll get these clothes washed and dried for the morning,” he told him, and then he walked away.

Alone in the bathroom, Oswald stood with a towel wrapped about his bruised body, then he tried and failed to raise his aching, damaged leg. Getting into that bath without help would be impossible. He swore under his breath as his face flushed. He couldn't deny he had always liked Jim, he found him attractive, too, but he had not planned on letting him see him naked tonight...or any other night.

“This is awkward...” he whispered as he looked down at the bath, the booze was wearing off, his cuts and bruises hurt and here he was, standing naked except for a towel in Jim Gordon's bathroom. He wanted to be at home, with Ed... _Why_ did Ed have to be so full of anger these days?

“Jim,” he called, sounding as awkward as he felt, “I...I need some help in here.”

The bathroom door opened quickly and Jim walked in.

“Sure, what's wrong, Oswald?”

He clutched tightly at the towel with one hand, then gestured to the bath.

“My leg hurts. I need help to get in the bath. I'm sorry.”

His face flushed.

“Don't apologise,” Jim said, feeling a surge of protectiveness towards Oswald, who was clearly embarrassed at his own weakness.

He stepped closer, putting an arm around his shoulder. Oswald made a grab for the bath and as he raised his undamaged leg, he felt pain on the damaged side and as it registered on his face, Jim put his hand on his thigh, helping him to climb into the bath. As their eyes met he let go.

“Thanks,” Oswald said quickly.

They were still looking at each other as he stood there in the water, and as he lost his grip Jim caught the towel, snatching it back before it fell in the bath.

Oswald caught his breath, he was still standing there, up to his knees in water as Jim kept his focus on his face, knowing he was blushing heavily as he stood there, momentarily exposed.

“I'll also need some help to get out, again I'm sorry,” Oswald said.

“That's fine, call me when you're done,” Jim replied, and as he carefully lowered himself down into the water, Jim's willpower broke and his gaze slipped briefly over Oswald's pale flesh, he took in the sight of his delicate bone structure, his slim but toned body and the many scars that marked it from old fights, he noticed the dark hair between his legs and the sight of his cock, a generous length - then Oswald was under the bubbles in the warm water, leaning back as flickers of pain were banished by the heat.

“I'll be in the next room if you need me,” Jim said, turning his face away.

Now it was his turn to blush and he didn't want Oswald to see that. He left the room, but didn't close the door, feeling concerned for his injured friend. Then he wondered exactly when he had started thinking of Oswald as a _friend_ , he had known him for a long time and he had often helped him out on police matters. The guy wasn't all bad... But he didn't want to think about it any more as he went to the kitchen to make coffee.

 

Half an hour later, he had helped Oswald out of the bath, wrapping him in a bigger, warmer towel, then he had taken a second towel and gently rubbed his hair until it was almost dry, then he helped him to put on a bathrobe and as he turned around, he got a great view of his back and his ass as he got dressed, and he quickly looked away. He had put his arm around him and helped him limp through to the front room, where he led him over to the couch, helped him to lie back, then he covered him with a warm blanket.

“Sleep well,” he said as he walked out of the room.

“Jim...”

He turned back.

“Thanks for helping me,” Oswald smiled and Jim felt his heart melt.

“It's no trouble at all,” he promised, then he turned out the light and closed the door softly.

 

That night Jim barely slept, as thoughts played through his head and in the end he let them dance before his eyes because acknowledging it was the only way to make it stop:

_The sight of Oswald naked had set his imagination on fire. For some reason it had to be at the club, after closing time, when it was empty. He wanted to take Oswald up to the office, then pull him into his arms and kiss down his throat, he wanted to feel him tremble and catch his breath as he ran his hands over him and told him he had pretty eyes._

_Then he would take off his coat and lay it down on the floor, and grab a pillow from the couch and make sure his leg was supported. He wanted him to feel safe and comfortable, he also wanted Oswald on his back when he took him for the first time, he wanted him looking into his eyes, to see the expression on his face when he entered him for the first time._

_He would be gentle but firm, he would hurt him a little bit, but only at first as he thrust into him, holding his legs apart, taking care with his damaged leg, because Oswald didn't deserve to feel more pain, he needed tenderness. Jim wanted to kiss his bruises away and tell him that he mattered..._

 

In the morning Jim woke up later than usual, found Oswald was still sleeping on couch and his gaze had lingered on his partly exposed body, the covers were half off, one arm was trailing off the couch, his hair had fallen over his eyes and his bruises looked dark against his pale skin. His lips were parted and he was breathing softly. Jim left his clean clothing folded neatly on the table and left him to sleep.

While Oswald was sleeping, Jim quickly grabbed a shower, while he was in there all of last night's thoughts came back to him, and he leaned hard against the wall of the shower, his hand moving firm and fast as he fantasised and came hard, ejaculating over his hand and then watching as the semen mixed with shower water, washing away the evidence.

Shortly after, he was dressed and ready for work. By the time he had made breakfast and started on his second coffee, Oswald hobbled into the kitchen, he was dressed now and looked surprisingly well for a man who had been in a fight the night before, he had even styled his hair into its usual spikes and had a sparkle in his eyes as he smiled at Jim.

“Good morning!” he said brightly, and Jim wanted to hug him, but kept that thought to himself.

“You look better.”

“I was in agony when I woke up, but I took a couple of painkillers. I really need to go home now. Ed will be worried.”

Jim silently doubted Ed would be worried at all; if he cared he wouldn't have battered him last night...

“Okay,” Jim said, putting on his jacket and grabbing his car keys from the table, “Let's go, I'll drive you home.”

 

The drive back to the Van Dahl mansion was taken in silence. Oswald checked his watch several times, then his phone, realising he had no messages or missed calls from Ed.

“He didn't even try and contact me...” he cast an anxious glance at Jim and his bruises looked livid, “I hope he's okay.”

“He should be hoping you're okay,” Jim replied, then they reached the mansion gates and he leaned out of the car and hit the buzzer.

“Yes?” came the reply.

“GCPD, open the gates, Nygma.”

“Where's Oswald?” he sounded nervous.

“With me,” Jim replied, and the gates were opened immediately.

As they drove towards the mansion, Oswald took in a deep breath, trying to fight off the tension that made his body stiffen.

“Jim,” he said quickly, “Don't tell him I stayed at your place last night. He gets crazy jealous these days... he has no reason, but it's anyone I talk to, girls at the club, guys I do business with... he's even accused me of flirting with Victor Zsasz, and he's staff! We had a maid up at the house until recently. Apparently me talking to her upstairs for ten minutes about her recent vacation meant I was fucking her! I had to let her go because he's so paranoid.”

“Okay, Oswald,” Jim said, “I know what to say. Just leave the talking to me.”

They parked outside the mansion and Jim got out first and Oswald followed, leaning heavily on his cane as all the aches and pains from last night seemed to hurt all over again as they headed for the front door.

Jim rang the bell and Ed opened the door. He had a couple of fading bruises on his face and the knuckles of his right hand were bruised and scuffed.

“Oswald, I've been so worried!” he said.

“Then you should have called him,” Jim replied, “And if I catch you fighting in the street like that again, I'll arrest _both_ of you!”

Oswald caught on to his act and joined in, faking a glare at Jim.

“Thanks for locking me up all night, Jim! Can't you see I'm in pain?”

“We were drunk,” Ed said as he stepped back and opened up the door wider, but Jim remained on the doorstep.

“I don't want to see this happen again,” Jim warned him, “I've got better things to do with my time than lock up drunks for the night!”

“That remark is duly noted and thank you for bringing Oswald home safely,” Ed replied politely, forcing a smile, “I take it we are both free to go?”

“You are this time.”

As Ed turned from the door, leaving Oswald to hobble in alone, Jim helped him up the step and as he entered the house he turned back, briefly touching his arm through his jacket and giving a gentle squeeze.

“Thanks, Jim,” he whispered, and gave him a wink, then he went inside and closed the front door. Jim was thinking about that brief touch and that wink all the way to work that morning. He couldn't get Cobblepot out of his mind if he tried...

 

Now he was home, all Oswald wanted was to go to bed. Ed put his arm around him and helped him up the stairs, feeling swamped with guilt at the sight of his lover covered with bruises. This had to be the worst fight they had ever had, apart from that time he had shot him and left him to die in Gotham river...

“I am so sorry!” Ed told him as Oswald sat down heavily on the bed, then Ed fell to his knees, untied Oswald's shoe laces and slipped off his shoes.

“You look terrible.”

“And you would have looked worse if I hadn't dropped my cane!”

As he stood up, Ed felt his temper rising and these days it felt like a monster that even he couldn't control, it made Riddler colder and more rage filled than ever, so many destructive thoughts filled his mind at the slightest provocation. These days it didn't even feel like Riddler was trying to take over. He didn't know what it was, but it had a hold of him and when it took over, it scared him. Seeing Oswald's bruises as he tenderly undressed him made him want to weep but he held it back as he helped him to bed and turned the covers down, then he sat beside him and finally, tears stung at his eyes.

“I'm so sorry, Oz,” he said softly, then he kissed his lips gently, just once, and rose from the bed and left him to sleep.

Oswald ached all over. The worst of the pain was in his crippled leg. Ed had never attacked him so viciously before, it was almost as if he wasn't Ed in those moments, and not Riddler either. But what ever the cause, he was still in pain as he looked to the closed door.

“You're sorry?” he whispered as he blinked away tears, “So am I, Ed! I'm sorry I fell in love with you!”

Then he sniffed and wiped his eyes and settled back, trying to sleep before the painkillers wore off. As he drifted away into much needed rest, his last thought was that he hoped this would never happen again, even though he had a nagging feeling that it would. Living with Ed used to be so good, now it was like waiting for a bomb to go off...

 

While Oswald was at home resting, Jim Gordon was in his office and about to start work for the day. As he sat down and glanced at case files, Harvey came in and took off his coat and then took a seat at his own desk.

“I didn't expect to see you so early,” he remarked, “You worked till late last night. I bet you felt like crap this morning.”

“No, I had a great start to the morning,” he replied, looking down at the case files but not really absorbing much as his thoughts drifted back to Oswald.

“How can anyone work so late and then enjoy getting up early?” asked Harvey, “What was so great about this morning?”

Jim looked across the room and met his gaze as all the things he couldn't say ran through his mind:

_Harvey, I had a great time – last night I took Oswald Cobblepot home and saw him naked in my bathroom. This morning while he was sleeping I jacked off over thoughts of him while I was in the shower and it was damned good. And I'm still thinking about him now..._

“Jim?” said Harvey.

He blinked, then focussed on Harvey once more.

“What?”

“I said, what was so great about this morning?” he asked again.

Jim shrugged.

“I don't know, sun shining, blue sky, nice day?”

Harvey laughed.

“You sound like a man in love!”

Jim laughed too, making light of his remark, while at the back of his mind thoughts of Oswald and fears for his well being still burned bright. His mind was made up now :

_He couldn't let this go. He needed to know he was okay. He had to see Oswald again..._

 

 


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

 

The next few days passed by quietly for Oswald, as Ed tended to his every need, becoming deeply apologetic for his actions and desperate to make amends. The bruises were fading along with the pain, Ed was making an effort not to lose his temper. Sometimes Oswald saw desperation in his eyes and he knew so much more than Ed realised, he didn't have to speak to convey his regrets, he felt it all in a glance. His thoughts had strayed to Jim several times, even while Ed was down on him and he was close to climax. Then as Ed held him close and told him he loved him, he had pushed those thoughts away. He had to let go of that fight, or they would never move on from it...

“It's about time I showed my face at the club,” Oswald announced after dinner as they sat in the majestic dining room, the candles were glowing, there were flowers on the table. Oswald had tried to make this evening as romantic as he could. It made him think back to the day he had decided to tell him he was in love with him, it had not gone to plan back then, but later on, things had changed. He had worked so hard to gain Ed's love, and he was desperate to keep it. When they fought it felt like everything he lived for was slipping through his fingers and it scared him far more than Ed realised.

“Are you sure you feel up to that?” Ed asked, “You still look...sore. And I know I'm responsible. Maybe you should stay here for a while longer, I can take care of business for you.”

Oswald smiled warmly at his lover as behind him, the firelight flickered with a warm glow.

“You're so thoughtful, Ed. But I need to get back out there. I have a business to run and next Monday I also have a meeting here at the house, it's the monthly gang leaders meeting. The head of Gotham underworld can't be absent.”

Ed stiffened in his seat as he looked across the table.

“You should postpone that meeting. You're still covered in bruises. It doesn't look good.”

“I think that's more to do with your conscience, Ed!” snapped Oswald, feeling a spike of anger as he glared at him. After what he had done, he had no right to dictate any aspect of his life – especially not business.

“Sorry, Ed – this is nothing to do with you.”

He glared back at him.

“You just want to humiliate me! You want everyone to see what I did to you! What's the plan, Oswald, are you hoping some other guy might take pity on you like I did?”

Oswald rose sharply from his seat, his jaw dropped as he stared at Ed.

“ _Pity?”_

Ed was glaring at him, he was cold, angry, as if some kind of crazy switch had just been hit, but as he leaned on the table and anger started to rise, Oswald didn't care how much rage Ed had inside him, if he wanted a fight, he could have one... He made a mental note that his cane was resting against the chair. He would _not_ pull that blade on Ed...

“What other reason would anyone want to be with you?” Ed said coldly, unable to fight his rising urge for violence, “Look at you, Oswald – you can barely walk without that cane. It's not exactly sexy, is it?” hatred burned in his eyes, it was sudden, now he was not Ed and at that moment, he didn't even seem like Riddler, “Half your business means _nothing_ to me when you insist on running everything! It's hardly compensation for killing my girlfriend, is it! You just think you can walk all over me and then play the victim! And what the _fuck_ are crying for? You're just a weak man, Oswald!”

He blinked back tears, his rage was dampening down now Ed's words had cut to the bone.

“I'm going to the club -”

“ _To get fucked!”_ Ed raged, and slammed a fist across the table, sending the vase flying and the flower petals scattering as a wine glass shattered and a fragment stung Oswald's face. The sight of a trickle of blood running down from the cut above his eye stunned Ed, whose expression changed at once. He stared at the sight of his lover, cut by flying glass, then he looked down at the mess on the table and wondered why the hell he had done it.

“Oh no... not again...I'm sorry!”

Oswald snatched up his cane and leaned on it heavily as he wiped away the blood and glared at Ed.

“I don't know if you're going full blown crazy or if you just hated me all the long and now it's starting to show. But I have a club to run, and I'm going there right now! Don't wait up, Ed. Maybe I _will_ get fucked!”

“Oswald!” he called, but he was already heading for the door.

Ed's temper had melted away as fast as it had risen. He blinked away tears and then carefully started to clean up the mess as he wondered if Oswald was right – maybe he was going crazy, so crazy that he was losing himself. He had never intended to do any of the things he had done, and his impulses seemed to have a life of their own. Even Riddler didn't understand it, calling it  _an unsolvable mystery_ as he looked back at him from the mirror. Ed heard the front door slam and he gave up on cleaning up the mess, sinking back into his seat as he covered his face with his hands and wept.

 

Oswald arrived at the Iceberg Lounge just after nine thirty that evening, Victor had looked alarmed to see the fresh cut to his face, and Oswald had told him it was nothing to worry about, then hurried up to his office, where he gone through a doorway at the back, down a narrow passage and then into his private bathroom, where he had washed his face and cleaned away the blood. He had spent a couple of hours in his office, just sitting in the gloom with only a lamp on as he cradled a drink in his hand and thought about Ed. He was starting to wonder if this was the real Edward Nygma, maybe the brief shows of affection had all been an act. He felt like a fool for trying to offer such incentive to win his love; this was how it had turned out and he felt like all of a sudden, he was living with a stranger.

Now and then his thoughts would go back to that pier and the day Ed had shot him. He had given a second chance to a man who had tried to kill him. He had begged for his love, believing that in the end, it would work out. He still didn't know if Ed had ever loved him and his heart was already breaking. He left his desk and went back downstairs, entering a busy bar where most people were already halfway to drunk. He made himself a cocktail and sat down alone in a corner and started to drink. Half an hour later, Jim Gordon walked in...

 

Jim had not been able to stop thinking about Oswald. He had been in his thoughts since that rainy night, they were the kind of thoughts that made him hard one minute and the next, filled with concern for his welfare. He had stopped off at the club several times over the past few days and Oswald had not been about, which had worried him even more. He didn't want to turn up at the house in case it made the problems with Ed worse, so he had been patient, and kept on calling in late at the club.

Tonight his patience had paid off, and one look at Oswald sitting alone in the corner looking into his cocktail glass made his heart skip a beat. As he walked over to him, he felt eyes on the back of his head as if lasers were boring through his skull and he turned his head, saw Victor Zsasz watching from a distance and politely nodded, then carried on across the club, weaving his way around the busy room until he reached Oswald's table.

“Hi.”

He looked up from his drink.

“Jim!” he said, and the warmth in his voice made him smile as Oswald invited him to take a seat.

He sat down and Oswald waved at the bar staff, indicating they bring over a drink for his companion, then he smiled warmly.

“It is _so_ good to see you!”

Oswald's eyes looked slightly glazed, possibly from crying and definitely from a few drinks.

“It's good to see you too,” Jim replied, “I've been meaning to catch up with you for days, I wanted to know if everything was okay – has he hurt you again?”

Jim was looking at the small cut above his eye, it was no longer bleeding but still glistened red under the lighting in the club. Oswald was thinking up a lie to cover it, but as he looked into his eyes he wanted to confess, and so he did.

“Ed isn't himself these days. I don't know what's wrong with him. I can't do or say anything right, he just snaps...He said some really hurtful things today. He smashed everything on the dinner table, too. I don't know if that's the real Ed or if I've already lost the real Edward Nygma...”

Tears filled his eyes as he briefly brought his hand to his mouth to stifle a sob. He blinked rapidly, fighting back tears. Jim shifted his chair closer, leaned across the small table and as Oswald lowered his hand, he caught it in a gentle grip. Oswald looked down at their joined hands, then made no attempt to let go.

“I don't know why he's changed so much so quickly,” Jim replied, “But I do know you deserve so much better.”

“But I love Ed.”

Jim let go of his hand as a drink was set down in front of him, then he waited for the woman who had served it to walk away, and he leaned closer to Oswald again.

“And I wish I could help,” Jim added.

They talked until the bar closed. By then Oswald had drank two more cocktails and Jim was close to feeling mildly drunk, but that served to relax his mood. It made talking to Oswald so much easier, about life, about how much violence he had seen, how he wished this city could be a better place. He had listened as Oswald had told him about his hopes and dreams of a bright future with Ed, every now and then he would get tearful as he recalled the sharp change in him recently, it seemed over the past couple of months Ed's aggression towards his lover had risen sharply and far more frequently than Jim had first imagined. Then Oswald had thought way back and looked at him fondly.

“Remember that day you was supposed to kill me and instead you faked shooting me, pushed me into the river and told me never to come back to Gotham? I knew I'd come back because my destiny lies here. _Maybe destiny is a complicated thing and perhaps you're a part of it._ ”

Jim blinked, he looked as surprised as he felt as he stared at Oswald, who gave him a little smile, it was just a look and a brief smile, but Jim had caught it. Then as he recovered from that unexpected look, Victor came over.

“Boss, are you leaving now?” he asked.

Oswald looked up at him.

“No, Victor. You can go home. Be sure to lock the door behind you, I have my own set of keys. I'm in a meeting with Jim and I'm going to be very late.”

Victor glanced at Jim and back to Oswald.

“Are you sure?” he said quietly.

“Very sure,” Oswald replied, “That will be all, Victor. Goodnight.”

“'Nite boss,” Victor replied, then he left the club.

Now the place was empty, it was just him and Oswald, just like Jim had imagined when Oswald had stayed the night and he had been secretly fantasising in the privacy of his bathroom...

“Would you like to come up to the office?” Oswald asked, and there it was again, that flash of something in his eyes, and it gave him the stirrings of an erection as his heart raced and he hoped he had read the signs right...

“Yes,” Jim said as Oswald rose from his seat and he did the same, “Sounds like a good idea... we can talk upstairs...”

 

Oswald led the way, Jim was surprised how steady he was on those stairs and leaning on his cane, he had been drinking but still had excellent balance. They reached the office and Jim followed him inside and Oswald closed the door and turned on the lights. The shade was drawn at the window but the lighting was soft and easy on the eye after the glare of the club – and Oswald was very easy on the eye too as he turned in a fluid movement and smiled at Jim.

“I'll be honest – I've always liked you, Jim. And I'm really grateful for your friendship at this difficult time. Thank you.”

They looked at each other. Jim saw gratitude in his eyes and warmth, perhaps a hint of an invitation – but he was hesitant as Oswald gave him a brief hug.

“It means a lot,” Oswald said softly, then as he let go, his lips grazed his cheek. It was the smallest gesture, so quickly done and it was the tiniest kiss, but as he looked at Oswald, who was standing there with a hopeful look in his eyes, he knew he had just been given all the encouragement this shy guy could manage. Now Oswald was blushing and standing there awkwardly. He raised his hand, toying with his spiked hair, avoiding his gaze.

“Maybe we should have another drink...”

“I'm done with drinking,” Jim said softly, and as his heart raced and he could almost physically feel the line he was about to cross, he stepped closer, wrapped his arms around Oswald and held him tightly. He gasped, looking up at him with a stunned expression.

“Jim...do... do you mean it?”

He smiled as he tenderly brushed a lock of hair from Oswald's eyes.

“I wouldn't be here if I didn't care,” he said softly, and then he pulled him closer, kissing him gently, then with passion as he felt him tremble in his arms.

As their kisses grew harder and more passionate, Oswald suddenly pulled away, he was breathless and his face was flushed.

“There's condoms and lube in the desk...”

As Jim went around to the desk, he opened up a drawer and found the items at the back behind paperwork. He heard the tug of a zip and then Oswald breathed a relieved sigh, thankful to be free of the restriction of his clothing. He had cast off his jacket and his shirt, his pants were already down.

“Slow down,” Jim said, not daring to glance at him because one look that lingered would cancel out his patience - and he wasn't about to lose all control and just take him roughly.

Oswald was still breathing hard as he stepped out of his clothing, then leaned against the desk and he took off his shoes, struggling as his crippled leg made him sway.

“I've done it in here before... Ed bends me over the desk. You don't have to be gentle, I like it rough. That's how Ed does it.”

It had just occurred to Jim that shy and awkward Oswald had little experience. Before Ed, there had been his services to Fish Mooney, and that was probably all he had ever experienced...

He took off his coat and laid it on the floor, then he undressed, taking care to neatly drape his clothing over the chair behind Oswald's desk, then he grabbed a cushion from the couch and placed it on top of his coat.

“It doesn't have to be rough,” he said, taking him by the hand and then drawing him down to the floor.

As Oswald struggled with his bad leg, Jim helped him to lie down, he laid back on his coat with a bewildered look in his eyes as Jim took hold of his crippled leg and gently raised it on to the cushion, then as he positioned himself between his legs as he parted them wider, he looked down at the sight of Oswald naked on the floor, already hard and breathless with anticipation as he slid on the condom and then covered it with lube. Just a few strokes was all he allowed himself, he wanted to last, he wanted Oswald to have a whole new experience, a better experience...

Sliding two lubricated fingers inside him made him gasp, and Jim's hardness was aching as he saw the look on his face. He drew his fingers out again, then as he raised Oswald's hips, he looked into his eyes and felt sure he had never known such a powerful tug on his heart.

“I've never done it like this before,” Oswald said, “Maybe I should turn over.”

“No, I want to look at you,” Jim told him, “I want to see the look on your pretty face as I make love to you.”

Oswald looked bewildered at his reply.

“I'm not pretty,” he whispered.

“Yes, you are,” Jim promised, then entered him with a firm, careful movement and Oswald gave a sharp gasp as a moment of pain registered on his face then he broke into a sweat and began to pant softly, now pleasure was all he felt as Jim thrust into him slowly and gently.

“It's okay to make some noise,” Jim told him, “I want to hear you, Oswald...”

“Yes...” he whispered.

“More!”

“ _Yes!”_ Oswald cried out, and it was as if Jim's words had suddenly set him free as he began to moan and gasp loudly with every movement. It was hard to hold back, but Jim knew Oswald wouldn't last long, he was already rock solid and his hand was moving in a blur up and down his hardness.

“Not yet...”

“I want to come!”

“Not yet, slow down...”

He separated from him, caught his hands by the wrists and pinned them at his sides as he covered his mouth with a smothering kiss that stole his breath.

“Your eyes are pretty,” he whispered, “You're beautiful, Oswald...”

“ _Oh Jim...”_ Oswald's eyes filled with tears as he gave a sob. No one had ever said that to him before, no one who mattered, no one he had been intimate with...

Jim held him tightly, kissing him again as he clung to him. His heart was bursting with new emotions for Oswald, along with an ache for all he had been through, it was clear he had never been loved in this way before.

He pulled away from his grasp, raising his hips as he pulled his body closer, sliding back into him with force. This time Oswald cried out with no hesitation, and Jim thrust harder.

“Now come...” he panted, slamming against him in a bruising rhythm.

Oswald was gasping and making noise now as he grabbed at his own hardness and started to rub desperately. He came suddenly and sharply, yelling out as his back arched and Jim buried deep inside him, finally letting go, allowing his own climax to explode. Then as he lay on his back against the softness of Jim's coat, Oswald reached for him, and Jim separated from him gently, then laid beside him, pulling him into a tender embrace.

 

They laid together on the floor for a long while after they had recovered their breath, then Jim got up first, he helped his lover up and put the cushion back and told Oswald to lie down on the sofa. He let him lie at the back, then he laid on the edge, with his coat draped over Oswald. Holding him tight would be the only warmth Jim needed, but he felt that Oswald needed the extra warmth, he had felt the cold and shivered as they got up from the floor.

As they embraced on the sofa, Oswald was on his side, looking into Jim's eyes.

“No one ever said those things to me before,” Oswald said quietly, “No one ever made me feel like that, like I'm special. And I've never been loud, never made so much noise before... I guess it was all those years living with my mother, I had to be quiet. Obviously, I didn't want her to know I jacked off.”

Jim smiled fondly, knowing to laugh at his honest admission would have been hurtful. Oswald was just being open, and what he had just said only drove him deeper into his heart.

“It's crazy to think someone as sweet as you could be so tangled up with the darkness of this city,” Jim said, looking into his eyes, “We're from different sides, I'm a cop and you're running the underworld... but it makes no difference to me. I can't deny what I feel.”

Oswald's eyes misted up and as he replied, emotion choked his voice.

“Neither can I...Jim, I want to see you again. Please tell me you feel the same way.”

Jim replied with a kiss.

“Of course I do,” he said, and Oswald smiled as he closed his eyes, then he fell asleep on the sofa, wrapped in Jim's arms.

 

They woke late the next morning, it was gone eight thirty and as Jim checked his watch, Oswald pulled him closer for a kiss. Jim obliged, then got up, and as he reached for his clothing, his arms felt achingly empty now he had let go.

“I'm sorry, Oz,” he said, “I have to be at work by nine....”

He dressed quickly, then turned to grab his coat. Oswald clung to it playfully.

“No, come back to bed!”

Jim laughed and tugged again on his coat, as it slid away from Oswald's body, Jim felt an ache in his chest. At that moment he would have happily handed in his notice to quit and and thrown away his career just be with Oswald and never leave his side again, but morning had come with the harsh light of day and the harsh reminder of reality: They had to go back to their separate lives.

As he put on his coat he noticed there was a stain on the lining – that was from Oswald, from the moment he had let loose his inhibitions and come loudly for the first time in his life. His coat carried the scent of his lovers body. Jim wanted to wear it every day and never wash it again, just to remember it all in vivid detail.

Oswald got dressed a little slower than Jim, he was stiff from sleeping on the couch and his leg was giving him pain, but he refused his offer of help and soon he was dressed again.

“Need a ride home?” Jim asked.

“I have a car out the back,” Oswald replied, “We usually use Ed's car, so mine is always at the club. I'll get home safely.”

“I won't call you,” Jim told him, “Give it a few days, then you call me. I don't want to risk calling you when Ed could overhear us. And yes, I meant what I said last night, I _do_ very much want to see you again.”

Oswald reached for his cane stood up, then paused to brush down his jacket before smiling brightly. There was a shine to his eyes and a glow to his face as if last night had just brought him back to life, back from a dark and lonely place. Jim gave Oswald a kiss that lingered far longer than time ought to have allowed. By the time he left the club and headed off in yesterday's clothing, he was ten minutes late for work...

 

**Ten Years Later:**

 

After that brief conversation with Barbara, Jim had put work on hold and called Harvey. By now he was retired, but he still kept an ear to the ground and if anyone knew what was going on with Oswald, it would him, he was bound to have heard something. So he had called him, as anxiety knotted his guts and he recalled what Barbara had said. Harvey answered the phone after a few rings, and greeted him warmly.

“Jim!” he exclaimed, “I'm barely up yet, and aren't you supposed to be working?”

“I am supposed to be working...but I need to know something,” he said, keeping his voice low even though the office door was closed, “Have you heard anything about Oswald lately?”

There was a pause. Jim was holding his breath as he waited for him to speak, silently praying his fears were unfounded. Then Harvey spoke up, and all Jim could do was listen as he took a deep breath and kept a tight hold on his emotions.

“I thought you knew?”

“Knew what? Tell me what's happened to Oswald, I need to know.”

Harvey gave a sigh.

“I don't know much at all. He's still the owner of the Iceberg Lounge, but as you know, he cut his ties with the underworld after all the stuff with Ed...”

The reminder of all that had happened sent an ache through his heart.

“I remember that too, please don't remind me.”

“You're not chasing after that guy again, are you?”

“No, I just want to know if he's okay,” Jim said quickly, recalling the day Harvey had found out who his lover was – that had been a day he would _never_ forget... then Harvey spoke up again.

“Unless it's police business, it's hard to find out much at all. It's been kept quiet, but from what I did hear, it sounds pretty bad. Oswald collapsed at the Lounge a few months back – twice. Apparently he'd just got over some surgery and he thought he was okay but then he wasn't... I heard the first time it happened, he was in pain. The second time was a couple of months later, he fainted, he was out for about five minutes, then he came around and Ed took him home.”

“What else do you know?”

“I know he had surgery at Arkham Hospital – not the psychiatric building, the hospital at the back – they have very advanced equipment there, it must have been serious. There's also rumour he later went to Hugo Strange for some experimental treatment and it made him very sick. He's not been seen at the club for a long time, he's doing all his business from home now. That's all I've heard and I don't know how much of it is right – Strange stopped his monster making years back, he's got a lot of wealthy patients now and he does a lot of experimental stuff – trying new cures and treatments - but he doesn't have to disclose anything because it's not a police matter. He won't say a word to you because you don't have a warrant. He won't break confidentiality.”

“But rumours do get around fast in this city and we don't know if any of it is true,” Jim pointed out.

Harvey paused for thought.

“My advice to you is either talk to Oswald or leave him alone,” he replied, “If he is sick, he might not want to be reminded of the past.”

“But I need to know,” Jim replied, speaking low into the phone as the ache in his heart weighed heavy, “Oswald's not exactly someone I can ever forget.”

“You could try his friends,” Harvey suggested, “He used to be very close to Ivy Pepper.”

“That's a name I haven't heard for a long time.”

“Neither have I, but you could try her,” Harvey replied.

“Thanks, I will,” said Jim, then he glanced at the time and reluctantly told Harvey he needed to get back to work.

After ending the call he ran a search on Ivy but could only find an old address from years back; she had moved on, and as there were no police records updated, would be hard to find...

 

Much later, when work was over and the day was drawing to a close as night began to fall, Jim was at home in his apartment, on the sofa and watching TV, but his thoughts were still with Oswald. He couldn't just turn up at the house and ask what was going on, it didn't seem right after so many years had gone by... Then he suddenly got an idea and grabbed his phone, then searched to see if Ivy had a social media account. Over the years, he had searched more than once out of curiosity to see if Oswald was online, but he had found no Ed Nygma or Oswald Cobblepot. He didn't doubt they used aliases, considering their once notorious criminal pasts. The search for Ivy turned up nothing on profiles, but then he noticed a local business called Ivy's Green Creations. He followed the link and there she was, standing in a huge greenhouse beside a majestic looking plant that trailed upwards. Apparently she had started up a business making rare plant hybrids. He sent her a message, keeping it brief:

_Ivy, it's Jim Gordon. This isn't a police matter – more a personal one. I was just wondering how Oswald is doing these days, I heard he's had a rough time lately. I hope he's okay now._

He sent the message quickly before he changed his mind, then he put the phone on the table. The reply came back faster than expected and he snatched up the phone, sitting up as he accessed the message.

 _Jim,_ she had written, _this is unexpected. I know, by the way – about you and him. Ozzy told me a long time ago. I guess you would be worried. As you know, poor Oz has been through hell this past eleven months. I didn't know you were back in touch with him._

“I'm not,” Jim murmured as he hoped he could keep the conversation going, then he replied:

_Well, we haven't spoken for a while and I guessed it would be a bad time to get in touch with how sick he's been. I was wondering if you could put me in touch with Ed, so I could ask him how things are going?_

There was a pause.

_So... message him?_

_I can't find his ID,_ Jim replied.

 _Has he hidden it again?_ Ivy wrote, _He's very careful with his profile... no wait, he hasn't. I can see it - Eddie Riddles._

 _Thanks Ivy,_ Jim wrote back, _Ever since I heard about Oswald I've been so worried. I know it's been a few years, but I just want to know he's okay._

Ivy wrote back immediately:

_Wait – you haven't spoken to him for years? You really should stay away, Ozzy has been through a lot. He's got a very tight circle of friends. If you're not in that circle, I can't help you._

“Please don't shut me out,” Jim said, sending another reply:

_I just want to know if he's okay. I've heard rumours he's been very sick. I never stopped caring about him and I just want answers, as a friend._

Ivy sent him a smile and a hug and a heart made of twisting vines, then she sent a final reply:

_That's very sweet. Bless your kind heart. I wish I could explain but I won't break my promise to stay quiet, it's a private matter. He's been through a lot, but all you need to know is he's safe and he's very loved. You don't need to worry about him. He really doesn't need any stress at this time. If he didn't tell you what was going on, he didn't want you to know, it's as simple as that. It's just been him and Ed getting through this together. They don't need you or anyone else at this time. Don't contact me about this again, please._

Jim thanked her for her time, and then closed down the message box.

Then he searched the name _Eddie Riddles_ and found Ed's profile. There was very little on it that he could see, it was locked down tightly apart from two pictures, the first was his profile picture which showed a toned upper arm and a tattoo that said _Oz,_ in the capital O the words _eternal love_ had been written in elegant lettering. It surprised Jim to see that, so Ed was into tattoos now? Above the picture he had written, _My latest tattoo - for my Ozzy_. The date on the picture was six months ago.

But it was the other picture that made Jim's heart ache: It was a photo of Oswald, he was wearing an elegant suit and his hair was spiked just as he remembered it, he was smiling playfully for the picture as he rested on a couch in the front room of the mansion, but he had a pillow behind him and he looked pale and tired. Beside the picture Ed has written, _'My brave and beautiful Oswald – I'm in awe of your courage every day. I'm so glad I married you!'_

Jim felt a hard emotional jolt on reading those words; obviously after all that had happened ten years back, everything had changed for the better. He didn't know they were married, they had lived very quietly behind the gates of that mansion after Oswald had made the surprising decision to step away from the Gotham underworld. It made Jim happy to know that Ed called him beautiful, in the old days Ed had been so cold and often distant towards him, clearly that had changed and to know Oswald was so deeply loved helped ease the pain in his heart. Then he noticed there were comments on the picture, and he read them:

_Are you sure you don't regret it now?_

_No regrets!_ Ed had replied, _I'm crazy in love you with you, I live for you!_ He had added a heart and two kisses to that comment.

 _I couldn't get through this without you, Ed,_ the reply said, _You keep me strong._

 _I'll always keep you strong, Ozzy,_ Ed had replied, _We will get through this together._

That conversation had happened almost a year ago, on the day the picture had been posted. There was nothing else to see, but as he looked at the replies on the post, he had already caught sight of what he needed to find: there was Oswald's online name – this had been the reason Jim had never been able to find him before, he wasn't Oswald Cobblepot any more, he simply went by his married name of Ozzy Nygma... he had taken Ed's name? That was another surprise, for some reason Jim had assumed Ed would have become Cobblepot...

He went straight to Oswald's profile seeing nothing but a picture of him and Ed in a darkened room next to the dim glow of a lamp at the mansion, they were sitting close together, Ed with his arm protectively around Oswald. That picture had been taken around a year ago...His profile was locked down as heavy as Ed's and there was no option to message either of them.

Jim gave a sigh and left the page and put the phone back on the table. He thought of all he had learned and blinked away tears, it didn't look at all good that neither of them had updated publicly in a year, maybe Oswald was too sick now and didn't want any new pictures taken... for Ed to have had that tattoo done, it seemed more like a tribute to his dying love than a simple show of affection...

He sat there lost in his thoughts as the night darkened, then his mind strayed back ten years to the day he had been caught by Harvey, what a day that had been... It was the day he had thought for split second, that his career as a cop was over... Jim stayed up late that night, as memories of the past flickered through his mind. He had never felt so close to the past as he did now...

 

 


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

 

The day Jim Gordon's secret had been found out by Harvey was a day he would never forget. But it would be several months until that day arrived. By now he had been meeting with Oswald at various anonymous, busy places around the city, they had gone for a drive, found somewhere quiet to park up and then the heat of their bodies had steamed up the windows. He had made love to Oswald in the car with the seat down while they were parked under an abandoned bridge. He had taken him hard on the hood of his car around the back of an old, closed down warehouse. Another time they had taken a drive to the edge of town and gone for a walk along the river and as the day was warm, they had sat by the riverbank embracing, then they had rolled in the grass kissing deeply.

But once, things had not gone to plan:

Oswald had driven out to an area where the buildings were crumbling and the streets were deserted. That day he had called Jim's cell phone, breathing hard as he spoke with urgency:

“ _Jim, I really need you.... it's urgent. Hurry up, just get here...”_

As he had reeled off the address, he had not realised Harvey had picked up the phone. When Jim walked back into the office Harvey had checked his weapon and said they had better leave because Penguin had just called to say he was in trouble, and the call had come from an abandoned industrial park. He had already called two more cars to hurry to the scene. Jim's mind had been in turmoil as they sped through the streets of Gotham, his thoughts with his lover as he feared for his safety.

They had arrived at the scene to find Oswald sat waiting, alone in his car. Harvey had questioned him and Oswald had lied and said some guys had tried to attack him but he had fought them off and now they were gone. He certainly didn't look like he had been in a fight as he sat there in his elegant suit, with his hair groomed as he gave off the scent of expensive cologne. He had even left a pack of condoms on the passenger seat, but Harvey had not noticed. Jim had, and he had caught Oswald's eye and looked away as he laughed. When Harvey turned to walk back to the car as the squad cars drove off, Oswald called to Jim.

“I won't be a minute,” he had said, leaving Harvey to get in the car, and then he had hurried back over to Oswald's vehicle and leaned against the open window.

“I didn't get your call – Harvey picked up my phone! Next time I'll keep it in my pocket.”

“I hope you do that,” Oswald replied in a low voice, “I asked you to meet me and you turned up with five other guys? I wanted Jim Gordon, not a gang bang!”

He had smiled playfully as he said that, and Jim had laughed softly. He desperately wanted to lean closer and kiss his lover, but that kiss would have also kissed his career goodbye – he couldn't be a cop and openly date the head of Gotham's underworld. There was no way around it. He knew eventually he would have to choose, and deep in his heart, he hoped by then the circumstances would be right to choose Oswald...

Jim often hoped, in those crazy days of their secret affair, that one day Oswald would leave Ed. He often said eventually their lives would go in separate directions and then he would be free. Other times, he told him one day he would make enough money to quit crime and then they could run away together. Jim wanted to believe every line he fed him, even though he knew it was unlikely he would ever break ties with Edward Nygma.

By now, Jim knew for certain that he loved him. He was yet to say so, and even though he hoped he saw it in Oswald's eyes, he had not voiced it aloud. These days there was a big change in Oswald, he was more confident, he was happier. Jim hoped it was more than just the great sex; their togetherness felt like the two of them becoming one in every way in those stolen moments and he wanted to know he was right, but he wouldn't know until Oswald said it. A few months after their affair had started, he got his answer.

 

It had been a grey and rainy start to the day, Jim was in his office going through paperwork when Harvey had come in.

“Penguin's outside, he's around the back of the building, he said he needs to speak to you about something,” Harvey said.

“Okay, I'll see what he wants,” Jim replied, and even though he had given nothing away, he was sure his face had flushed as he left the room.

He made his way to the back of the building, went along a corridor and came to the fire exit, it was propped open and outside light rain was falling. Oswald stood there beneath the shelter of his umbrella, looking his usual dashing self in a sharp suit with his hair spiked and there was a sparkle in his eyes.

“I was just passing by,” he told him as he leaned on his cane and stepped closer, “And I decided I should tell you something...”

He paused and as Jim looked at him, his expression as impossible to read. He was holding something back, making him wait and all Jim could silently think was two possible answers: _Jim, I've done it, I've finally left Ed._ Or the one he feared hearing, the one thing he never wanted to hear: _I'm sorry Jim, but it's over. I love Edward too much to deceive him any more..._

But he didn't say either of those things. Instead, his eyes shone with joy as he made a declaration:

“ _I love you, Jim Gordon!”_

Jim felt relief flood his heart as he looked back at Oswald with a smile on his face.

“I love you too, Oz,” he said softly.

“Kiss me!” Oswald said, looking at him in anticipation.

Jim glanced left and right, the back of the building was deserted. If anyone had looked out of the window, or walked out for a smoke at that moment, he would lose everything he had spent years working for... But Jim took a chance, feeling impulsive as he leaned closer. Oswald grabbed him by his tie and dragged him closer still, right under the shade of his umbrella, as they shared a kiss.

“I have to go back to work,” Jim said, hating to say those words after such a sweet moment. All he wanted to do was pull him into his arms and kiss him again, and he ached and felt instantly alone to step out of his embrace, but he did have to get back to work. This was not the place to share his love with the man the city of Gotham knew as Penguin...

“I'll be in touch tomorrow,” Oswald told him, “I have a great idea. I'll tell you more about it later!”

“I can't wait to hear all about it. See you soon, Oz,” Jim replied, their gaze lingered, then he reluctantly turned away and went back inside.

 

Jim had stayed up late that night, hoping his phone would ring. But it stayed silent, and he knew he was being left to wonder about Oswald's little plan. As he wondered what his lover had come up with, he got hard just at the thought of it. Oswald had become bold and adventurous these past few months, he was no longer the shy man who had given him that first, almost unnoticed kiss up in his office at the club. That night Jim barely slept, every time he thought of what tomorrow might bring he felt a shiver of excitement...

Back at the Van Dahl mansion, dinner had been tense and Ed had barely spoken a word as Oswald had talked about business and then mentioned perhaps they should be seen at the Lounge together this weekend.

What do you think, Ed?” he asked, looking across the table.

Ed blinked as his eyes blurred.

“I have a headache, Oswald.”

He fell silent for a moment, then forced a smile.

“Are you asking me to shut up? I'll be quiet if that's what you want.”

“No,” Ed replied, and he paused to rub at his temple, “I'm in pain. I think I need to lie down.”

As he got up he seemed a little unsteady and for the first time, Oswald felt a flicker of alarm.

“Are you okay?”

“I'm fine, please don't irritate me. Leave me alone.”

As Oswald got up and reached out to place a hand on his arm, Ed brushed him away.

“I said, _leave me alone_.”

“No, you've not been yourself for months, all you do is yell at me or lash about and when you're not doing that, you're apologising for treating me like shit! What is wrong with you, Edward?”

“ _Get out of my way!”_

“Not until you tell me why you keep doing this to me!”

Oswald was still standing in front of him, blocking his way. Ed felt his temper rising like a volcano as pain cut through his mind. He lashed out in a blur, dealing a sharp blow to Oswald's cheek that made him sway sideways, as he leaned on his cane and recovered his balance there was a look of shock on his face as blood ran from his nose. Then rage filled his eyes and he lunged at Ed, slamming a fist into his face.

“That's the last time you _ever_ touch me!” he yelled, “The last time, Ed!”

The blow to his face had sent the sharp pain that cut through his head to a swift fading out, Ed had broken his fall by leaning against the table and now he straightened up, standing there as the blow to his face throbbed and he had a moment of clarity.

“I do love you Oswald!” he said as his voice choked with emotion, “I don't know why I keep losing it like this...”

Ed fell to his knees and started to sob. Oswald looked on, bewildered by his sharp change of mood. He couldn't bear to see him weeping like this, in that moment all he wanted was for everything to be right between them again. He stepped closer, putting an arm around Ed, pressing him against his body as he spoke softly.

“You have no idea how much I love you,” he told him, “This is why I'm putting up with this. I'm scared I'll lose you. I'm getting close to walking away forever. Please don't make me do that, I never want to give up on you.”

Ed was still on his knees as he wrapped his arms around him and sobbed harder. All Oswald could do was stand there, his heart aching for his Edward as he tried to push aside all thoughts of Jim and their love affair. In that moment he had never felt so torn in half; he couldn't get enough of Jim, but right now, Ed needed him. He didn't know why his lover had changed so sharply over the past few months, but he knew he still loved him. They had been through too much to break apart now...But he still wanted Jim. He needed them both and he knew it as he kept his arms around Ed, letting him weep as he clung to him. Then Ed wiped his eyes and got up from the floor. Oswald took him upstairs, they went to bed and Ed clung to him all night long.

 

In the morning, Ed woke up with a nosebleed and glared at Oswald as he lay there wondering what mood Ed would be in today, it always changed so quickly these days...

“This is your fault for hitting me!” he said sharply, and got out of bed and went off to the bathroom.

Oswald gave a weary sigh, then cautiously touched his face, feeling a small bruise. There wasn't a great deal of noticeable damage this time. He turned his thoughts to Jim, and those thoughts made sense. Jim was always glad to see him, Jim obviously loved him... He felt a warm glow in his heart and then he thought about his plans: He had dreamed up a fantasy about Jim dominating him, it had started with thoughts of handcuffs, and then evolved into something _very_ exciting as he had laid back in the bath, with his eyes closed as he stroked his erection. His mind was made up now, he was going to make that happen today. While Ed was making every effort to wreck what was left of their relationship, he felt sure seeing Jim was the way forward...

As if to confirm that, Ed came back into the bedroom still complaining about his lingering headache, his nosebleed and the fact that for once, he had fought back and hit him hard. Ed called him a little prick as he started to get dressed. Oswald let that insult slide as he got out of bed.

“I'm going out this morning,” he said, “I need to get away for a few hours.”

“Don't bother coming back,” Ed said darkly, “I couldn't care less what you do or where you go.”

“And that's fine by me,” Oswald replied, “I think we both need some space.”

Ed had said nothing in return.

.An hour later, after taking a shower, putting on a fresh suit and a splash of cologne and styling his hair into the usual swept up spikes, Oswald left the house and drove away, with thoughts of Jim and living out the fantasy playing hot through his mind.

 

When the phone rang on Jim's desk, he answered it, thinking it was a police matter – but he was wrong.

“I'm outside,” Oswald said, “And I need you to be a bad cop, Jim! I want you to come outside, arrest me by force, cuff me and take me through the building in front of anyone and then take me down to the cells... the other holding cells, the ones on the lower level...the ones with solid walls. I want my face pressed up against that tiled wall while you -”

“Not on this line!” he said urgently, realising it wasn't secure enough, “My cellphone.... just hang up this call and use my _other_ number!”

“Why?” Oswald said.

Jim lowered his voice. His back was turned to Harvey and he could only hope he hadn't become suspicious...

“This isn't a line for personal calls...”

“Why not?” Oswald asked again.

“Because anyone can listen in,” he whispered.

While his back was turned, Harvey had looked up from paperwork, as he wondered why Jim had suddenly sounded so worked up and then lowered his voice. He reached for his own phone, carefully lifted it and hit the link to Jim's desk, and listened.

“Anyone? Sorry, I didn't realise! I'll see you outside, mister bad cop...”

Harvey quickly put down his phone as Jim turned around and he noticed his face looked flushed.

“Is something wrong?”

“No, nothing at all,” Jim said quickly, “I just need to go and speak with someone...”

 

On his way out, he was aware of his hardening cock. He had condoms in his pocket. He had been waiting for this ever since yesterday, wondering what Oswald was up to. The cells on the lower level? He was pushing his luck. He liked danger, maybe a little too much... but those cells were rarely used and that level was empty right now... He walked out of the building feeling like fire was raging in his blood.

Oswald's car was parked close by. He got out and stood there, glaring defiantly at Jim.

“It's about time!” he said, faking anger and doing it very well as he took a step closer, glaring at Jim, “Last time I called you for help, your guys were too late! Doesn't anyone do their job around here, Jim? Maybe I should waste police time more often, you're all a bunch of useless jerks!”

Their eyes met. Jim wanted to kiss him. Instead, he grabbed his free hand, aware he needed the other for his cane, twisted his arm behind his back and pushed him up against his car. Oswald hit the car a little too sharply and gave a yelp.

“Sorry,” Jim whispered, then he took his cane and cuffed his hands.

“Oswald Cobblepot, you're under arrest!” he said firmly, “For wasting police time...” he lowered his voice as he turned him around and marched him up the stapes towards the open doors, _“And for being too damned sexy,”_ Jim whispered, and then he led him through the busy building, as cops looked on in surprise to see Jim had just busted Penguin.

“This is unfair!” Oswald protested, “I'm innocent!”

“No you're not,” Jim said, and he led him through the main building, then out through a doorway and down a corridor, saying nothing more as he kept a firm hold on his shoulder, he was carrying his cane and aware that Oswald was a little unsteady without it. They reached the stairs and Jim led him down carefully, then they reached the place where the lights shone brightly and a narrow corridor led to several holding cells, all were empty and the doors were open. Here the walls were solid and he had already decided the best one to use would be the one at the far end, because Oswald liked to make noise now – and he would certainly be making noise today...

 

They reached the cell and Jim led him inside, then he leaned the cane against the wall and marched him over to the back of the cell. Oswald turned his head and looked at him, he was shaking and sweating and his eyes were dark with desire.

“ _You're a bad cop, Jim...”_ he said breathlessly.

“Shut up,” Jim said in a low voice, then he turned Oswald's head so his cheek was pressed against the cold tiles that covered the wall. He reached around and unbuckled his belt, tugging his pants down sharply and then he exposed his ass, and gave a soft kick to his undamaged leg.

“Spread your legs and bend over, Cobblepot!” he said sharply.

As Jim unzipped his pants and freed his erection to put on a condom, he could hear Oswald's shaky breathing, he was trembling with anticipation. He wanted this fantasy, he was going to get it...

“I know you're going to hurt me,” Oswald whispered, “But I can take it! I'm not scared of you!”

Jim shoved two fingers in his mouth.

“I don't waste lube on criminals,” he said, and Oswald started to suck desperately, summoning as much spit as he could manage, knowing it was the difference between pleasure and pain. He withdrew his fingers then thrust them firmly into his ass, Oswald's body tensed as he cried out and the sound was amplified in the hollow of the cell. Jim reached into his pocket and squeezed on the opened tube and secretly slid some lube on to the condom. Oswald wanted it rough, but he couldn't bear to hurt him, not really, he was sure if he did, his lover would soon regret it...

“Now shut up and take your punishment!” he said, and he grabbed his hips, sliding in firmly as Oswald cried out again. He moved hard and fast as his lover could only manage to lean against the cold wall, yelling with every thrust, gasping as his rhythm got more brutal and he started pounding harder.

“ _Oh god, Jim.... Oh help me... I need to come...”_

“Me first,” he said breathlessly, “I don't do favours for prisoners...”

He slammed against him again, then felt his climax hit as he cried out sharply, then as the last throb of pleasure faded out, he withdrew from his body and was still breathing hard as he grabbed Oswald by the shoulders and turned him around. His lover looked wrecked. His hair was messed up, his face was flushed, he could barely stand. He slid to the floor as he held out his cuffed hands.

“I need to come...”

Now Jim dropped the act, he flushed the condom and pulled up his own pants then knelt in front of him, and tenderly grasped his solid cock.

“It's okay, Oz, I'll take care of that for you...”

As he leaned closer, his hands were still cuffed, but he raised his arms over Jim's head, so he could hold on to him.

“I love you, Jim...” he whispered, still weak from it all as they kissed, then he leaned his head against his shoulder, giving a whine and then moans of pleasure as Jim's hand moved firmly up and down his hardness.

“ _Oh Jim...harder, don't stop, I'm coming!”_ he yelled, throwing his head back as his voice echoed abut the hollow cell and he shouted _Yes_ as he throbbed and ran warm over his hand, as he was coming, Jim was holding him tightly.

“I love you so much!” Oswald said again between gasps of air, he looked dazed from the intensity of the experience, and then as he raised his arms and shifted back, he looked to his cuffed hands.

“Set me free.”

“I think I already have,” he said, recalling all the noise his once silent lover had made in this room.

He unlocked the cuffs, then he went over to a sink and washed his hands before turning back to Oswald. He was up off the floor now, tidying his clothing. He paused clean up at the sink, then to run his fingers through his hair. Jim handed back his cane.

“Was that everything you hoped it would be?”

“My legs are still shaking!” Oswald hugged him, and then they shared a kiss.

“I'll let you out around the back way,” Jim said, then he noticed a small fresh bruise on his face.

“Has Ed hit you again?”

“It was nothing,” he said dismissively, “just a stupid fight...rather minor compared to others we've had, it's nothing to worry about.”

As they left the cell and headed for the stairs, Jim felt concerned. In his haste to play Oswald's game and lose himself in the heat of the moment he had not noticed that fresh bruise until now. It made him silently criticise himself; he was a cop above all else and should have noticed it...

“But you don't think it's getting worse? You don't think maybe you should leave?”

“No, we're fine,” Oswald said dismissively.

As they climbed the stairs, Jim watched him carefully, thinking of his leg and his need for that cane – he was still slightly shaky from their encounter.

“Do you need any help, I've made your legs shake,” he reminded him.

“I have excellent balance, especially on stairs,” Oswald assured him, “Remember our first night together at the club?”

He thought back to how he had climbed those stairs with ease despite being slightly drunk and leaning on his cane.

“How could I ever forget?” he said fondly.

They had reached the back exit.

“I'll call you,” Oswald promised, and Jim leaned in, replying with a kiss. Then he watched as Oswald hobbled away, heading for the front of the building where his car was parked close by. He turned from the open doorway and stopped, staring in disbelief:

Harvey was standing there, he was staring back at him, looking utterly stunned.

“I didn't even know you were into men,” he remarked, “But _Cobblepot?_ ”

Jim's jaw dropped. He felt rising panic as he looked back at Harvey, but that man was a good friend and thankfully, on the day his secret was discovered, it would go no further.

“I came down to see what all the fuss was about,” he told him, “Then I heard Penguin yelling and I thought, it's not like you to beat up anyone... especially not him... and that's when I saw you both through the barred window in the door of the cell. Don't deny it , Jim. I know you and him were playing some kind sex game in there...I also heard the word love mentioned. _You and Penguin?_ ”

He paused, shaking his head.

Jim stepped closer as he looked at him pleadingly.

“Harvey, you don't know him like I do, this isn't some cheap tacky sex arrangement, we really do love each other.”

“But he's Penguin!” Harvey exclaimed, “Jim, if you want a guy in your life, there's a few cops in this precinct who would jump at the chance. There are lots of guys in Gotham who would give their right arm to date a guy like you. Why him? The head of the underworld? Have you gone nuts? If this ever gets out, your career is down the toilet. No one in law enforcement will ever trust you again knowing you're sharing a bed with Penguin.”

“Please don't say anything!” Jim said again.

Harvey gave a heavy sigh as he put his hand on his shoulder.

“I won't say a word. Who you see is your business. But keep it away from the GCPD. That's all I'm saying, now I want to forget I ever came down here. We didn't have this conversation!”

“Thanks, Harvey,” Jim said with deepest gratitude.

They went back towards the office together, with Harvey saying nothing more on the subject as Jim thanked him again. All Harvey could do was shake his head as he watched him go in, wondering how the most honest cop in Gotham could choose such a notorious criminal as his lover. He still wasn't over the shock of what he had seen, either. Jim Gordon passionately making love to notorious Oswald Cobblepot? It seemed crazy.

“Jim, why the hell did you pick him?” he muttered, then he went into the office and dropped the subject...

 

**Ten Years Later:**

 

It was the weekend, Jim was at home in his apartment when he got a phone call. He picked up his phone, didn't recognise the number, but after speaking with Ivy Pepper online, he was hoping maybe she had got a message to Oswald. She had seemed kind enough and certainly understood his reasons, maybe she had changed her mind and wanted to help.

“Hello,” said Jim as he took a seat in his kitchen. Outside it was a bright day and the sun was shining in, making the room look bright. But as the caller spoke, Jim felt a sharp jolt and a sense of unease along with it.

“ _Hello Jim, long time no see. It's Edward Nygma. I understand you've been trying to get in touch.”_

Jim said nothing for a moment, he felt stunned to get this sudden call, and as he thought back to the past and all that had happened, and then to the reason why he and Oswald had broken off their affair, he was unsure how to respond. Ed had sounded his usual, pleasantly polite self... Jim didn't want to think back to what had happened ten years ago, it made him too angry... _I know what you did,_ he thought silently...

“Jim? Are you there?”

“Yes, Ed, I'm here. It's been a very long time... How did you get my number?”

“You never changed it,” he reminded him, “And when Ivy said you'd been asking about Oswald, I thought I ought to give you a call.”

“Thanks,” Jim replied, remembering he ought to be polite even though he felt sure he would never get along with Ed, “First of all, how are you these days?”

“I'm very well,” he replied, “Thank you for asking. But I'm sure you'd rather hear all about Oswald. Shall we meet for lunch? I can get away for a couple of hours but no longer, I'm needed at home a lot these days. Shall we meet a noon and catch up? I know a lovely bar with a view of the river. It's a nice day, we could sit outside and have a couple of drinks?”

“Okay,” Jim replied, and as he agreed, he felt nervous. It was partly because of the past, of all that had happened when what was a once wonderful love affair had turned swiftly into a nightmare, but he didn't want to recall those dark days yet, it was too painful to think about. The other reason was he feared the worst for Oswald, and he knew Ed was going to tell him everything, it would likely be bad news he didn't want to hear...

 

He found the bar easily, it was a smart, uptown place and the open doors led out to a seating area that overlooked the better part of Gotham river. Across the water, tall buildings shone bright and gleaming in the sunlight. He ordered a drink and went outside, then he saw him, Ed was sat at a small table in the corner of the terrace, he was wearing a dark green suit and he had barely changed in the past ten years, his hair was groomed, behind his glasses, his eyes didn't quite match the warmth of his smile as he gave him a wave and called him over.

“It's good to see you,” Ed told him, and briefly shook his hand, then as Jim sat down, he set his drink down and looked across the table at Ed.

“I realise it's been a long time,” Jim said, “But I've been hearing rumours about Oswald and I just want to know what's going on.”

Ed paused, a flicker of pain showed in his eyes and then it was gone again.

“Thinking back, when I found out about you and Ozzy, at the time I was furious but of course, things have changed vastly over the years. I've changed, Jim. Back then I was treating the most precious person in my life I the worst possible way but I had no control over it, I didn't know how sick I was...”

His words had prompted another memory, and Jim silenced it quickly, as he focused on Ed and this moment, not wanting to think about the day he had wished Ed Nygma would just die, to wish another man dead was not in Jim Gordon's nature, but ten years back, it had been there for a split second, along with hopes and dreams of a life with Oswald, a life where Ed was dead and gone... No, he couldn't think about _that_ today...

“It's all in the past,” Ed told him, “I need you to know that. Oswald and I have a great life together, we're so happy...I make him happy every day....”

“That's good to know,” Jim looked to his drink but couldn't touch it, all he wanted was to find out if Oswald was okay.

“But this past year has been hard,” Ed told him, “It's very hard to see the person you love go through so much pain...” he paused, taking in a sharp breath, he looked to the water, then back at Jim.

“He did go through hell. He needed surgery and it was complicated and my poor Ozzy was left in agony for weeks... then we found out the implant used to treat him had leaked toxic chemicals and he had to have more meds to clear away the toxins. It's been very hard for me, seeing him so sick. I felt so useless sometimes... But Oswald doesn't want anyone to know about this. He's a very proud man, he doesn't want anyone to think he could be dying – he's still thought of as Penguin by those who used to know him, he wants them to think he can fight anything and win... but not all battles can be won, Jim.”

“How long...” Jim stopped, as emotion made his voice choke as he blinked away tears, “How long has been sick?”

“It started almost a year ago. It was sudden, it was a shock to see him in so much pain. The surgery helped but it stole a lot of precious time from us, he was in pain for weeks...” he leaned on the table, looking intently at Jim, “I'd like to ask you to do something for him.”

“Of course, anything,” Jim replied.

“I need you to put a stop to these rumours about his health. I want you to start telling everyone that Oswald Nygma is absolutely fine. Would you do that for us, Jim? I know Oswald would be very happy to know you're helping to protect his privacy at this time.”

Jim nodded.

“I'll be sure to say that to anyone who asks,” he replied, “Is there anything else I can do to help?”

“If I can think of anything, I'll let you know,” he replied, “I'm going to stay in touch with you, Jim. I'm sure when my Ozzy is feeling stronger he would love to see you and catch up.”

“So he's recovering?”

“He has good and bad days,” Ed replied, “He's very tired today, he couldn't sleep much last night. I think I can honestly say the life we used to have will never be the same again.”

He didn't want to ask, but he drew in a breath and found his voice and asked anyway.

“How long does he have left?”

“We don't know,” Ed replied, “How long do any of us have left on this earth? We're making the most of every day. I often think back to how things were ten years ago and I think to myself, I would have missed out on so much love and happiness if I hadn't been with Oz. I'm so glad he gave me a second chance. My life is dedicated to him now, it has been for many years.”

Jim felt an ache in his heart. He still wasn't clear on exactly what was wrong with Oswald, or how severely his health had been affected, but he didn't want to push Ed with more questions. Just then, Ed's phone rang and he answered it quickly as a smile came to his face.

“Ozzy!” he said warmly, “Yes, I'll be home very soon. Have you finally got up?”

He listened to the reply and then laughed.

“At least you got your beauty sleep. Not that you need any, you're always beautiful to me, Oz. You always will be.”

Jim looked down at the table as he felt caught between heartbreak and feeling thankful to know Ed so clearly adored him these days. A few moments later, after Ed assured him he would be back soon, he ended the call.

“Please keep your promise and kill these rumours,” Ed told him again, “It's so important you do that. Now I really should be heading home, Oswald said he needs some help... just stuff around the house.”

“Is he struggling?”

Ed briefly smiled.

“Not as much as I have, but that's another story! I'll be in touch, Jim.”

Then he got up and left the table. Jim sat there for a while, looking out over the water, lost in his thoughts as he realised he had not actually learned a great deal from Ed at all. But as he had said, Oswald was a private person. When he left the bar, his mind was made up, he would do that favour for Ed and Oswald, he would make sure everyone believed the rumours on the street about his failing health were not true...It was the least he could do, right now, it was all he could do for him...

 

Over the next few days, Jim did his best to keep his promise. He even called Harvey and said the rumours were totally untrue, Oswald was just fine. When a few of the guys at work happened to mention the rumours about the man who used to be known in the underworld as Penguin, Jim had set them right, telling them he knew Edward Nygma through a friend and he was very sure Oswald was okay. It seemed the rumour was spreading everywhere, but every time he heard it, he repeated all Ed had asked him to say. And he kept watching his phone, wondering when Ed would call again. It was crazy to think he was so desperate to hear from him after all that had happened years ago, but he was his only link to Oswald.

 

As Jim got through each day, his thoughts remained strung between the past and the present. His love affair with Oswald had been wild and wonderful in so many ways, but everything was about to come crashing down around them, and neither of them saw it coming:

Ten years back, they were happy in their own way, meeting in secret, as Jim lived in hope that one day something would happen that would mean the end of Ed's involvement in his life. He just wanted Oswald to be free. Then he felt sure he would no longer want to keep up the facade of being the hard working, honest cop who wouldn't look twice at Gotham's most notorious crime boss. But dark times were coming, terrible dark times to change everything...

 


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

 

He had asked to meet him at the pier. As Jim walked down to the end of it, Oswald stood there waiting for him, leaning elegantly on his cane as the breeze caught his jacket and ruffled his jet black hair. His gaze was fixed on Jim as he hurried down to meet him, and all Jim could think was how he wanted to wrap him in his arms and take him away from the water's edge. He had not forgotten that cold day right at this spot when he had been forced to fake shooting him and then push him in the water.

“Why here?” Jim asked as he joined him, he couldn't help giving in to the urge to look down at that cold, deep water, then back to his lover as he felt a flicker of regret that he had ever allowed that situation to escalate to Oswald almost drowning.

“Why not here?” he replied, “The day you didn't shoot me, you saved my life, it was here on this very spot. Kiss me!”

Jim stood behind him, wrapping his arms about him tightly as Oswald turned his head and they shared a kiss. Then they stayed together, Jim holding him protectively, as they looked out across the river.

“I've never been so happy before,” Oswald said, “I thought what I had with Ed was wonderful – it was, once. But being with you is so different, I've never really been loved before, not like you love me.”

“You deserve love,” Jim whispered as he held him, “You deserve to be loved every day of your life. When I'm not with you, I still have you in my heart and I'm still loving you.”

“And I think I feel that every day,” Oswald said as he started to smile, “It's like you never leave me, Jim.”

He looked up at him as love shone in his gaze. Jim smiled down at him, looking into the eyes of his lover as it felt like the most perfect day on earth simply because of their togetherness. They stood there for a while just watching the water.

“It was time to make a good memory on this pier,” Oswald said as they turned back and started to walk away, further on, a parked car was waiting and Victor was standing beside it. Oswald had some business to attend to and today, their meeting had been brief. Their hands were linked as they walked up to the car. Victor Zsasz looked away, minding his own business. Then Oswald's phone rang. He looked at the number and gave a sigh, letting go of Jim's hand.

“Underworld matters,” he told him, “I need to take this call in private, sorry.”

Jim nodded, then he stood beside the car as Oswald walked off a short distance to speak to the caller.

Victor turned his head and looked at him.

“I know you and Penguin are on opposite sides of the law, but I think you're good for him.”

Jim smiled, taken by surprise at the usually silent hit man's remark.

“Thanks, Victor. I do care very deeply for him.”

Victor paused for thought.

“ _But you know he's never gonna leave Ed?”_

Jim turned towards him, again surprised by another remark, this one had been something of a shock. Victor knew Oswald very well and had no reason at all to try and warn him off unless he had genuine doubts...

“You think so?”

Victor shrugged.

“I guess he just can't let go of the guy. Those two have had some terrible fights – it's got really bad lately. But they won't break up. It's Penguin, he can't let go of him. And I don't think Ed could walk away if he tried. They're bad for each other, there's something wrong with Ed, he's just _too_ crazy these days. But Penguin won't leave him.”

“I think eventually he will.”

Victor smiled as he shook his head.

“Keep dreaming, Jim. Don't get me wrong – you're a nice guy, actually, I like you a lot... but you need to open your eyes. Penguin won't ever break away from Ed Nygma. Maybe I should mind my own business, but you don't deserve to get your heart broken.”

As he looked into his eyes, he saw sincerity there. It was the first time he had shared a real conversation with Victor that wasn't about crime or trouble, and he was mildly surprised. He saw warmth in his eyes and returned his smile.

“Thanks for the warning,” Jim told him, “But I'll take my chances. He's worth it.”

Just then, Oswald ended his call and rejoined them.

“I have business to attend to,” he said to Jim, “I'm sorry we had to keep it brief today. I'll see you soon.”

He stepped closer and they shared a kiss, then Oswald got into the car and Victor drove him away. Jim stood there alone for a while, looking back at the end of the pier and beyond it as the waters of the Gotham river sparkled under sunlight. He was sure he would always love Oswald, even if he never left Ed, and that was something he had just realised he needed to get used to – it was likely he would never have Oswald all to himself, but maybe what they had was enough, if love could be enough...

_That was the last time he had seen Oswald before life had turned into a nightmare. He didn't know it as he stood there watching the water, but later on that evening, the world was about to turn dark as hell, into the worst kind of nightmare Jim could imagine..._

 

Ed had been quiet ever since Oswald had returned home from his meeting. That evening they skipped dinner and got ready and went out together for once, to the Iceberg Lounge. They had very little conversation on the way over to the club, when they went inside, Oswald had greeted familiar faces with a smile and poured himself a drink, then fixed a drink for Ed, and he had called him over to sit with him at his favourite table. Ed had left the other side of the bar where he stood alone and taken a seat, looking intently at Oswald.

“It's about time we had a night out together,” Oswald said, sipping his cocktail, “And you'll be pleased to know, the iceberg is going. I'm having this place refurbished. I thought I might rename it the Nygma Lounge, what do you think about that?” he smiled as he looked across the table.

Ed remained expressionless as he gently slid his drink aside, then he leaned on the table and looked hard at his lover.

“Seen much of Jim Gordon lately?”

Oswald looked back at him calmly, thanks to his years of practise in dangerous situations with dangerous people, lying and hiding his true reaction to a shock was easy.

“Jim? I don't think so, not for a while. Why do you ask?”

“ _Because I followed you this morning. Your meeting business meeting was in The Narrows at mid day. You left at nine thirty and went to the pier for almost two hours. I saw you with him, Oswald.”_

His face paled as his jaw dropped and he looked wide eyed at Ed.

“I...I just bumped into him...”

Ed was tense but holding back on his rage. His eyes reflected coldness, it was close to the kind of insane cold rage that he had not seen since Ed had learned he had killed Isabella, and even that was a weak comparison to the icy look that now reflected in his eyes.

“ _I saw him holding you! I saw you walk back to the car holding hands!”_

“You're mistaken,” he said, glaring at him as he realised he feared his rage as much as he feared losing him, “I wasn't at the pier today, Ed. I may have bumped into Jim at the pier a few weeks or months ago, I can't recall the exact date - but it would have been police business and I can assure you, I would have been avoiding him where possible, he's a cop – I certainly wouldn't be holding his hand!”

Ed looked at him for a moment, then he paused for thought.

“Have it your way Oswald. Keep lying.”

He stood up, and his face became a mask of rage.

“ _I know you're fucking him!”_ he yelled, and he grabbed his drink and threw the contents in Oswald's face.

Oswald whipped a handkerchief from his pocket and dabbed at his eyes, then wiped his face and looked at the bewildered crowd who were all staring at the owner of the lounge as alcohol dripped from his hair and stained his suit. Ed had just left. Victor hurried over to the table.

“Want me to go after him?”

“No,” Oswald said, rising from his seat and dabbing at the stains to his jacket, “Just follow him, make sure he gets home safely. He's not himself right now, I don't know what's wrong with him but I think I've just made it worse. He knows about me and Jim!”

“Oh no...” Victor said.

“Just follow him, make sure he gets home safely,” Oswald said again, “I'm staying here at the club tonight, I'll be fine. Now hurry, keep an eye on him for me.”

Victor left quickly, keen to catch up with Ed. As he made his way out of the club, Oswald had never felt so self conscious as he felt stares from everyone in the place. Ed had just publicly humiliated him. Maybe he deserved it, maybe not. He knew nothing justified his affair, but Ed had pushed him too far. It felt like they had come to the end of the line.

Oswald leaned heavily on his cane and went up the stairs, then he sat in his office, thought about calling Jim, but decided it was best to wait until morning, after he had gone home to Ed and tried to smooth things over. He sat up there with a drink in his hand, in the semi darkness, reflecting on his life. For once he was glad to be alone. Then his heart ached and he took his phone from his pocket. Jim didn't need to know about this until morning, but he just wanted to hear his voice. He called his cell phone, then as he heard his recorded reply saying to leave a message at the tone, he recalled Jim was working late tonight.

“Hi Jim,” he said, I just wanted to call you, no reason really – so I'll just say I love you and I'll call you tomorrow. Stay safe out there, speak soon.”

Then he ended the call, put the phone back in his pocket and sat in silence at his desk, lost in thoughts of Ed and the mess he had made, but still his heart warmed through with hope as he thought again of Jim Gordon.

Those thoughts kept him company, warming away the cold sense of loneliness and the chill of uncertainty as he sat alone, wondering how the hell this mess with Ed could be cleared up. Right now, it seemed like there was no solution to the situation...

 

Jim had been working non stop that day, he had been out on the streets with Harvey tailing suspects and then later taking down two armed bank robbers, they had taken them alive, now they were locked up and reports had to be filed. Jim glanced at the clock. It was dark outside and almost ten thirty. He gave a weary sigh and looked at the paperwork again.

“It's been a long day.”

“It certainly has,” Harvey agreed.

As Jim began to finish up the last of the paperwork, Harvey's desk phone rang. He answered it, then he listened, then he spoke again at length, and Jim wasn't paying any attention, because it wasn't his call and he was tired and he wanted to clear up all that needed doing today and then go home to his bed.

Harvey got up and put on his coat.

“Jim,” he said, “We're leaving, it's urgent.”

Jim gave a sigh and left his desk, threw on his coat and turned to Harvey.

“That's all I need, out on another job tonight!”

But then he noticed the look in Harvey's eyes. It was sombre, he was looking at him intently. It was the kind of look he recognised after years as a cop – that look when someone was about to break bad news.

“Something serious has happened,” he said, “And you need to stay calm and remember where you are right now.”

Fear clutched at Jim's heart. He had just been warned to keep it together...

“What is it, Harvey?” he demanded.

“Tonight a man was found in the alley behind the Iceberg Lounge, he was the victim of a very serious assault, his injuries are so bad the city hospital had just had him transferred to Arkham hospital's specialist ICU. He may not make it. _I'm so sorry, Jim. It's Oswald Cobblepot_.”

As the shock hit him, he was glad Harvey had placed a gentle hand on his shoulder. It was hard to breathe as his eyes filled with tears.

“It must have been Ed!”

“We don't know that. The club was open at the time of the attack, but he was up in his office with the inner door locked. The fire exit was open, he would have gone out the back way. Anyone could have jumped him in that alley in the dark.”

Jim's heart was racing as he felt torn between his duty as a cop and the need to be with Oswald.

“Why wasn't Zsasz with him? He's supposed to protect him!”

“He sent Zsasz to check on Ed.”

Jim was confused.

“He wasn't at the club?”

“Witnesses saw Ed Nygma have a quarrel with Oswald, Ed threw a drink in his face and walked out. Oswald told Zsasz to make sure Ed got home okay. Cops are down at the club taking statements and Zsasz has already been very helpful. I'm sure if anything comes up, we'll get a call. Right now, the only person who knows the identity of the attacker is Oswald – and he's not likely to be waking up any time soon.”

Jim blinked away tears.

“It has to be Nygma!”

“He was informed of the assault as soon as the hospital found Oswald's ID – apparently Ed claimed to be at home at the time.”

Jim felt cold with fear as he thought of Oswald, badly injured with Ed at his bedside...

“I'm telling you, Nygma did this! You can't leave him alone with Oswald -”

“Jim,” Harvey said, trying to steady him with his calm, even tone, “Nygma isn't with him. He's been arrested and he's being brought in for questioning. He's the only suspect we currently have.”

“ _I just need half an hour alone with that bastard!”_ Rage burned in Jim's eyes.

“No,” Harvey said firmly, “You're going over to the hospital. You need to be with your loved one. Jim, he may not last the night. You are too close to this case to get involved. Go and be with Oswald.”

Jim just stood there for a moment as the crazy thought ran through his head that he was a cop and he needed to be here to make sure Nygma was charged. He wanted to beat a confession out of him. But he knew he was too close to the case, Harvey was right. Then it suddenly hit him; Harvey had said that Oswald might not survive.

“I'm leaving right now,” he said.

“That's a good idea,” Harvey told him, “Take as much time as you need. Just stay with him, Jim.”

He nodded and then blinked away tears.

“I want you to call me as soon as he's charged.”

“I'll do that,” Harvey promised, then Jim dashed off, running from the building then ripping his car keys from his pocket as he raced to his car to drive through the night at speed with the siren on, to be at the bedside of the man he loved.

 

When Jim arrived at the hospital, he looked back at the asylum close by and his thoughts briefly switched to Nygma: _That was where he belonged. If he had a say in this, he would make sure Ed went back there and never got out again..._

Once he had parked the car, he hurried to the hospital entrance and went inside. It was easy to be directed to Oswald's room once he had flashed his badge. As he headed towards the open door, he slowed his pace, feeling a sense of dread. The man he loved was in there, barely holding on to life and knowing that was breaking his heart. Then he saw Victor leaning against the wall outside his room. The usually tough and quiet man was looking tearful. But if he had cried, he had done it and got it over with, now he had a yearning for revenge, he could see it at a glance.

“What do you know?” Jim asked.

“Ed had a fight with Penguin at the club, he threw a drink in his face. Penguin was worried about Ed and he asked me to follow him and make sure he got home okay. I tailed him and saw him go home, he went in and turned the lights off, I sat there for half an hour, then I headed home. I'd been home for around twenty minutes when Ed called me to say Penguin was hurt. I got over to the hospital and they were about to transfer him here when the cops came along and arrested Ed.”

“How did he react?” Jim asked.

“Screaming like a lunatic, saying he didn't want to leave Oswald... But I don't know for sure he stayed home after he went in and put the lights out. He drove the car around the back, he could have taken the back way out of the estate and gone back to the club. I was at the front of the house the whole time.”

“What have the doctors said about Oswald?”

Victor paused, gathering his thoughts. He knew this would hit Jim hard.

“He's had bad blow to the head and he's also got internal bleeding. They're trying to treat it with medication. They can't operate on the head injury. They said if he makes it through the night, he stands a good chance of pulling through. That's why he's in here. The rest of it isn't life threatening, he's got some cracked ribs, they're worried about his leg, he's taken some more damage to it and the doctor said if he does survive it could be a while before he can walk again – if he walks again.... _I want Nygma to get out on bail so I can put a bullet in his skull!_ ”

“Leave it to the cops,” Jim said quietly, then he walked into Oswald's room. He had seen many victims of violence in his time as a cop but to see someone close to him suffering like this, was a heavy blow. As he stood at his bedside and gently touched his hand, he saw the bruises on his face, then he looked to the machines around his bed. Anger was rising inside him like a volcano. He wanted to go back to work and walk into the interrogation room and grab Nygma by the throat and force the truth out of him. But he wasn't leaving his bedside, one look at Oswald told him that he needed to be here.

“Who did this to you?” he asked quietly, “Was it Ed?”

But Oswald was deeply unconscious and showed no sign of hearing him, his eyes were closed and he was pale and still as death and seeing him like this scared Jim more than he wanted to think about. He thought instead about all the trouble and the rough times Oz had been through in the past – he could survive this, he could get through it. He had to survive...

“I'm staying,” he said quietly as he hoped he could hear him, “I'm not leaving. I'll still be here when you wake up, Oswald.”

 

Back at the GCPD, Edward Nygma was in an interrogation room with Harvey Bullock, who sat and looked at him across the table.

“Why did you have a fight at the club?” he asked.

Ed had been crying. He was shaking, trying to contain his anger at the arrest as much as he was trying to hold down his self control and not collapse into a sobbing wreck. He wiped his eyes and put his glasses back on.

“You have no right to keep me here! How many times do I have to tell you, I didn't do it! Yes, we fight, and it's not been great lately but I'd never hurt Oswald like that! I was dragged away from his side, he could die and your cops dragged me away from him!” he stifled a sob, “I just want to be with him. Please, I'll answer all your questions – just let me see Oswald.”

As Harvey looked at him, he silently concluded that Nygma was very lucky Jim was not present, because if he was, he would have got a confession by now, and quite possibly Ed would be in almost as a bad a way as Oswald...

“We quarrelled at the club because I saw him with another man,” Ed said quietly, he fixed his gaze on the table as he spoke, avoiding eye contact, “I saw him at the pier with some guy... it seemed romantic. I asked him about it and he denied it, but I know when he's lying.”

Harvey said nothing for a moment as he put two and two together: _Nygma had found out about Oswald seeing Jim? Shit, this was bad..._ But he was a cop with a job to do and he had given Jim enough warning about the affair. If it came out in court, his career would be over, but he believed in justice as much as Jim did and this needed to be done...

“You threw a drink over him?”

Ed nodded.

“And then you went home?”

“Yes.”

“And then you waited a while and went back to the club and in through the back exit and you assaulted Oswald?”

“ _No!”_ Ed looked up sharply from the table _“I never laid a hand on him!”_

“Do you know the guy you believe he was seeing behind your back?”

Ed's eyes shone with cold rage.

“ _Yes, I do, Harvey. He's been fucking Jim Gordon.”_

Harvey paused, then concluded that he could still do his job without Jim losing his, there was more than one way to deal with that piece of evidence and still secure an arrest...

“I think you know how crazy that will sound. Jim is one of the most honest cops on the force. He wouldn't associate that closely with a man of Oswald's reputation. So, you saw him with a guy, just some random guy you didn't recognise and -”

“ _It was Jim!”_ Ed thumped his fist against the table, then quickly pulled back on his rising anger, it was a struggle to hold it back but he tried to focus on the other matter heavy on his mind instead of Harvey's questioning.

“Could you at least let me know if Oswald is doing okay? Please, I'm begging you, I just want to know he's still alive.”

“Maybe you are worried, or maybe you're just scared he's going to wake up and say you tried to kill him. Jim Gordon had to step in between the two of you a few months back. You were assaulting Oswald, he was on the ground and Jim had to pull his gun to make you stop!”

“That was another matter, it was nothing to do with this! _I'm_ nothing to do with this!”

“You can keep this up all night,” Harvey told him, “But I will get the truth out of you, Nygma. Everyone knows you're a psychopath. The only reason you walked away from crimes you were accused of, is because Oswald owns half this city. But if you did try and kill him tonight, understand this...” he leaned closer, “If Cobblepot dies, you will be charged with murder. I'll make sure you're charged! I'll also make sure you go back to Arkham and stay there for the rest of your life!”

Ed blinked away tears.

“It wasn't me!”

“I think you're lying,” Harvey replied, then he carried on with his questioning, hoping either Ed would crack and confess, or Oswald could wake up and tell Jim who had done this. It was going to be a long night...

 

By dawn the next morning, Jim had woken up in the chair where he had fallen asleep at some point between three and four am. He sat up and blinked, then saw a doctor checking the monitors that surrounded the bed.

“How is he doing?” he asked.

“He seems to be showing signs of stabilising,” she replied, “If he keeps going like this, he could be out of danger soon. But he's not completely stable yet.”

“Do you know when he's likely to wake up?”

She shook her head.

“There's no way of telling right now. He's still very weak.”

The doctor left the room, then Jim leaned over Oswald and placed a gentle kiss on his brow, just below a livid bruise. As he sat up straight in the chair, he felt a hand briefly touch his shoulder and he glanced around to see Victor standing there. He handed him a cup of coffee.

“Drink this, go home, get some rest and I'll wait with Penguin,” he said, “You can't stay here all day and night, or you'll be no good to him when he wakes. You have to take care of yourself too, Jim.”

He sipped the coffee.

“You're right,” he agreed, then he drank some more of it and set it down on the table next to the bed. As he got up, his gaze lingered on Oswald.

“Call me if there's any change,” he said.

“Of course I will.”

“And thanks for being here,” Jim added.

“I'm here for the boss,” Victor replied, “And assuming it was Ed who did this, you're Penguin's guy now. I need to treat you like his guy. I'm trying to do what he would want me to do. So go home and rest.”

“I won't be gone long,” Jim replied, then he took a glance back at Oswald and reluctantly left the room. As soon as he was gone, Victor sat at his bedside, then spoke to him quietly.

“Penguin,” he said in a low voice, “Can you hear me? Wake up, I need to know who did this. I need to know who to go and kill... Was it Ed?”

But Oswald gave no response, remaining deeply unconscious.

 

After returning home, Jim showered, changed his clothes and then called Harvey. Thankfully Ed was still in custody, but frustratingly had refused to admit any part in the assault. Harvey told him to focus on Oswald and to leave the case to him, then he reminded him that he had some leave coming up that was long overdue.

“It sounds like Penguin's fighting his way through this,” Harvey added, “He's going to need you. I'll say you called in sick today, then we'll sort out some leave for you. By the way, Nygma told me he saw you and him together at the pier. But don't worry, I'll make sure that doesn't get out, your job isn't in danger yet. And we still have enough time to keep Ed in custody – if Oswald can name him as his attacker, we can send Ed straight to Arkham.”

“That's where he belongs,” Jim agreed, then he had ended the call and gone to his bedroom, where he laid down feeling drained and exhausted, and fell into a deep sleep.

When he woke up again, he saw four hours had gone by. He called Victor, who said Oswald had not woken yet, but the doctors had said he was still in the process of stabilising. Jim had returned to the hospital, only feeling a mild sense of relief to be back at Oswald's bedside once more; he knew he was showing signs of pulling through, but until he opened his eyes, he felt like peace of mind was out of his reach. Victor looked tired, he had stayed with his boss ever since Jim had left and now he said he would be back tonight, and walked out of the room. 

Jim sat down and took hold of Oswald's hand. It lay still and unresponsive in his grasp and at that moment, he felt useless. All he wanted was to see Oswald open his eyes, he knew he was far tougher than he looked and he believed he could pull through this. Then he stirred, turning his head, as he weakly grasped at Jim's hand.

“Oswald?”

His eyes slowly opened, and to Jim, it felt like a miracle. He had a brief moment of panic as he caught his breath and looked about the unfamiliar room, then as pain flickered through his bruised body it registered on his face. Tears filled his eyes as he gripped his hand harder.

“It's okay,” Jim told him, “You're in the hospital, you're safe now. Someone tried to kill you, who did it?”

Oswald looked up at him and as he recalled hazy memories of the night before, a tear ran down his face.

“Just tell me, please give me a name,” Jim said.

“ _It was Ed,”_ he whispered.

As he sobbed again, Jim leaned over him, wiping away a tear as he kissed his cheek.

“And you never have to worry about Ed again,” he had told him, before making an urgent call to Harvey.

That was the day Edward Nygma was charged with attempted murder. He was taken to Arkham within the hour...

 

**Ten Years Later:**

 

Jim was driving through the city, still thinking about the day Oswald had woken up and named Ed as his attacker. Even though the events he recalled had happened a decade ago, it still felt sharp and fresh, it was still painful. Then as he turned a corner he blinked, looking to the sidewalk as he wondered if he had just imagined seeing Ed Nygma walking towards a tattoo parlour.  _No, it was definitely Ed, he was wearing a dark green suit and looked tense as he entered the building._

Jim pulled over, parked the car and got out, then he crossed the street and watched through the window as Ed went out the back, and once the place was quiet, he slipped inside, wondering why the hell he was following Edward Nygma and spying on him like this...

 

 


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

 

Jim lingered in the front of the tattoo parlour, looking at the designs on display, then he slowly worked his way to the back, where he glanced around a corner and watched as Ed took off his jacket, then his tie and finally his shirt. It struck him as ironic that ten years ago, he had been having an affair with Oswald, and had just got Nygma sent to Arkham. And here he was ten years later, spying on Ed as he stripped off and prepared to lay back and get inked...

Ed's upper body was firm and toned, he had  _Oswald_ written on his collarbone in small scroll, in the centre of his chest was lettering that had no ink, it looked like some kind of scarification where the words  _Paying My Debt_ had been seared into his flesh. The words  _Love_ and  _Forgiveness_ were on his arm, below the capital O that contained Oswald's name. There was a broken heart on his other arm, beneath it written in a scroll were the words  _Sorry is never enough._ Jim was taking in the sight of other tattoos when he noticed both his nipples were pierced. Then Ed turned around as he got on the table, and just before he laid down to have more work done on his back, Jim saw the tattoo that covered it – he had a large open umbrella and the handle ran down his spine, beneath the shade of the umbrella were two hearts. Work was being done beneath them, the needle had started to whine as the smell of ink and blood filled the air, and Jim noticed something unexpected: Ed was gripping that table like his life depended on it, he was in real pain and tears were filling his eyes. 

He turned around and headed for the door, realising what those words inked on his body meant: _Ed wasn't getting inked because he liked or wanted it, those tattoos told a story – he was punishing himself, taking pain to make amends for the pain he had caused Oswald so long ago..._

 

Jim left the tattoo parlour, then he stood outside for a moment, looking at the designs in the window. He was just about to turn around and leave when a voice spoke up right behind him, giving him an emotional jolt.

“ _Jim, is that you?”_

He turned around, catching his breath as he came face to face with Oswald. He was standing there on the sidewalk in a sharp suit, his hair was spiked up and his eyes shone with warmth as he leaned on his cane.

“Oswald...”

“Jim, it's been years!” he said, stepping closer as he smiled fondly, “I heard you've been asking after me. Thank you, that was very kind. I also hear you've been putting a stop to the rumours for me. It means a lot, I try and keep my life private these days.”

Jim was still looking at him, it had been ten years and Oswald had not changed. He didn't look sick, either - he looked a little tired and perhaps he was leaning on his cane a little heavier than he used to, but to see him after so long, and looking so well despite all he had heard, was almost overwhelming as Jim struggled to find words to speak.

“How are you?” he asked.

“Ed mentioned he bumped into you recently. I'm aware he's told you all about it. I was terrible pain a while back but thankfully, not today. I haven't been able to get out much lately, but Ed still insists on finding ways to cause himself pain so I said I'd come with him into town today. He hates getting inked but he keeps on doing it – I forgave everything a long time ago, but he just can't forgive himself...” he looked to the store as sadness briefly reflected in his gaze then it was gone and he was bright and smiling once more, “But his tattoos do look good. What are you doing here, are you thinking about getting inked, Jim?”

He smiled as he shook his head.

“Not my kind of thing.”

As he looked at Oswald, he briefly thought back to the day the affair had ended. He had asked him a question, but Oswald had simply walked away without looking back, leaning hard on his cane as he hurried back to his car. Jim was still waiting for that reply, he was sure in his heart he always would be, but now was not the time to talk about the past...

“You don't look sick,” he said, and Oswald smiled back at him.

“But I am constantly tired,” he replied, “I try not to let it get to me. I have too much in life to be happy about. Tiredness is a small price to pay for the love that surrounds me. I can honestly say I'm very lucky to have this life, Jim. I'm very thankful.”

Jim used every reserve of strength he had not to let his tears show as he looked at Oswald and thought about all he had learned. For a sick man, he looked very good – and certainly full of life. As Ivy had said, he was safe and very loved...it showed, too. In his heart he knew he was wishing in that moment that he was the man at his side, time suddenly seemed very cruel when Oswald had little of it left.

“I think we've wasted a lot of years not staying in touch,” Jim told him, “Life's too short... Maybe I should come over and visit you both sometime, if that's okay?”

For a moment, Oswald seemed stuck for words as he looked at him and hesitated, then the moment passed.

“Yes, we will have to do that, Jim... at a suitable time...” then he glanced past him, “Look who I bumped into, Ed – it's Jim Gordon!”

Ed Nygma looked a little pale and shaken, clearly that work on his back had just caused him a lot of pain, he was still in a cold sweat and his tie was loose and his top buttons were open on his shirt. But he smiled as his eyes shone with love, meeting Oswald's gaze.

“What a surprise!” he agreed.

Then Ed took his phone out and switched the camera to video.

“Here we go,” Oswald said, glancing at Jim, “He's always making videos... he's got hundreds of them online!”

Ed was smiling playfully as he started filming.

“Hi guys,” he said, “I just had some more work done to my back tattoo – _Oswald's Umbrella_ – pictures will be going up later! And here's my Ozzy, he came along for the drive into town this morning...” he turned the camera to Oswald, who smiled as he shook his head.

“I swear I live with that thing shoved in my face all the time!” he said as he laughed, “Ed, stop filming and put your phone away, I want to get back home!”

Ed looked into the lens.

“Guess who we bumped into today? Jim Gordon!”

Jim smiled as he looked into the camera.

“Hi...” he said, smiling and feeling unable to hide his amusement as he thought how much Ed had changed in the past ten years. It was so clear he and Oswald were happy, it was such a contrast to ten years before, when life had turned so dark.

“We have to go now,” Ed said into the camera, “I need to get Oswald home. I'll be back later to annoy you all!”

He ended the video.

“It's been nice to see you, Jim.”

Oswald glanced to Ed.

“Jim was just saying he'd like to come over to the house sometime.”

“That's a good idea,” Ed told him, “We should do that.”

Then Oswald's gaze lingered on Ed before he spoke to Jim once more.

“Ed has a lot of videos – I know you asked how I'm doing these days, Ed kept a video diary. He can send some of it over to you later...”

He glanced at Ed again.

“Okay,” he agreed, “I'll email it to you later at home. But I must ask you to keep it all strictly confidential, some of the videos haven't been shared before and never will be – but it's a much easier way for you to understand what Oz has been through. It's better than talking about it at this time. And please, give me your word that you will delete them when you've watched.”

“Of course,” Jim replied.

Then Ed said they should be leaving, and Oswald added he really needed to get back home. Jim said goodbye and Ed walked with Oswald to the car, with a protective arm around his shoulder. As Jim walked away, they paused by the car as Oswald leaned close to Ed and both men watched him leave.

“That was a good idea, about the videos,” Ed remarked.

“Let's see what he does with them,” Oswald replied.

“I'm assuming you want me to be _very_ select about which ones I send?”

“Of course!”

Ed met his gaze.

“It's a wise move. But I think we can trust him. By the way, I don't hold anything against him, all that stuff years ago was my fault.”

“And it doesn't matter now,” Oswald reminded him, “All is forgiven, even if you feel the need to punish yourself. But on the subject of Jim, I'm still not sure if we can trust him to know everything.”

“I understand why you need to be sure,” Ed replied, then he turned to face him and as their eyes met, his gaze radiated devotion.

“You look so tired. Let's get you home now, Ozzy,” he said softly, and he opened the car door and Oswald got into the passenger seat, then Ed went around the other side, got in and started up the engine. Then they drove away, heading back to the Van Dahl mansion.

 

Seeing both of them had made for an emotional day for Jim, in the moment he had heard his voice and turned around and seen Oswald standing there, the years had fallen away. Jim drove off with thoughts of the past playing through his mind, the painful past that was almost too much to think about at that moment:

 _How different it had been back then._ Ed Nygma had been sent to Arkham, Oswald had woken up and was finally starting a slow and painful recovery. Jim had been told firmly by Harvey not to visit Ed, because he saw the fire in his eyes as he longed for revenge and then swiftly reminded him that if he laid a hand on Nygma, he would be suspended, and then he would lose his job.

Jim knew he was right; he went back to work, left the case to Harvey and spent every evening at the hospital with Oswald, who started to make a recovery that was at first slow and painful, but after two weeks, he was getting out of bed and barely managing to take a few painful steps, but insisting he wanted to go home as soon as possible.

As he watched him recover with such determination as he defied the pain and channelled his anger into fighting it as he refused to give up, Jim's love deepened, even though he had thought it was not possible to love him more than he already did.

The biggest struggle Oswald faced was walking, even with his cane the pain from his healing leg was exhausting, Jim had told him he might be better off taking medical advice and using a wheelchair for a while, but he had just shook his head, saying that when Fish Mooney had crippled him, she had wanted him to never walk again – he had proved her wrong back then, and he wasn't going to let this incident put him in a chair, either.

Oswald was in the hospital for just over four weeks. When he was ready to leave, he wanted to go back to the mansion. Jim hated the idea of him struggling all alone in that big house. He offered to have him stay at his apartment, at least until his leg was stronger. Oswald agreed and Jim took that leave that he was owed. Just over a month after the beating that had almost killed him, Oswald was finally out of hospital and back at Jim's apartment, and Jim was finally able to stop worrying so much, now he was at his side where he could keep him safe...

Now his bags were unpacked, his cane was leaning against Jim's sofa. Oswald was on the sofa, sitting there looking tired because the walk from the car to the apartment had caused deep pain in his damaged leg. His bruises had faded away, but he still had a sad look in his eyes. Jim sat beside him, put an arm around his shoulder and Oswald leaned against him and gave a sigh.

“I know I shouldn't say this, but I keep thinking of Ed.”

“Then don't say it,” Jim replied, “I know it was hard to let go of him but after what he did, you can never trust him again.”

Oswald's head was resting on his shoulder as Jim toyed gently with his spiked hair.

“I love him,” he said quietly, “I can't just turn that off and hate him. I've tried that before and it didn't work. I don't think he can hate me, either. But he needs to be in Arkham. He can get treatment, he can get better.”

Jim felt alarmed at what he had just said... _He wanted Ed out of there, he wanted him back?_

“I don't think someone as crazy as Ed can ever get better,” he replied softly, “And I know he hurt you, maybe he couldn't control his actions – but he nearly killed you. I just want to keep you safe now.”

Oswald raised his head from his shoulder and shifted even closer, he met his gaze and smiled.

“Jim, I have Victor to keep me safe. That's what I pay him for!”

“And what about us?” Jim was starting to worry. For the first time, the sharp contrast in their two worlds had never felt so pronounced.

Oswald's eyes sparkled as he started to spell out his plan, and suddenly he was Penguin again, brushing off all that had happened as he thought of his crime empire and his grand schemes and plans.

“I have great plans for you! If you leave the police department, you can come and work for me. Live and work with me, Jim! We can be together all the time. You would be so much better for me than Ed, you're not crazy! You could share my life and maybe even help me run things.”

Jim stared at him. Oswald wanted him to give up his career?

“I'm a cop.”

“So _stop_ being a cop, Jim. Share my life, my business and my bed. Have all of it! I want to share my world with you.”

Jim fell silent. Oswald was still looking at him excitedly, waiting for an answer.

“Say something?”

Jim had looked away, as he looked back at him, he knew before he saw his expression that Oswald's mood had changed, darkening down as he saw the look on his face.

“If I'm good enough for you,” Oswald said, “So is my empire. I'm the most powerful crime lord in Gotham. Think of the life we could have!”

He did think about it, and the thought of it was so tempting he wished he had never imagined being at Oswald's side for gang meetings, backing him up in shoot outs when they ran into trouble, maybe even shooting at cops, anything to defend the one he loved... Yes, it could be a new life, with every night spent warm in his arms, holding him close as he slept beside him. Him and Oswald, together... But Jim had no plans on sacrificing his career. He felt an ache in his heart. He had already come close to losing him through the beating, he didn't want to lose him over Oswald's hopes and dreams that didn't seem to involve consulting him on anything...

“We need to talk about the future another time,” he replied, “You still need to rest. You're here so I can look after you. Just let me do that and don't talk about huge changes to my life, I'm not ready to do that yet.”

Oswald nodded.

“Okay,” he said patiently, “I know it's a lot to think about.”

As he held him tighter, Jim felt a rush of love for him as he sat there, with his lover warm in his embrace. He never wanted Oswald to go home again, not back to that big old lonely mansion full of memories of Ed...

Then Oswald shifted suddenly as pain shot up his leg.

“I need to lie down.”

Jim got up first, then helped him up as Oswald reached for his cane.

“I can manage,” he reminded him, and watching him take each slow and painful step from the front room to the bedroom was tough, but Jim understood him well enough to know he was determined to cope alone and overcome this problem as fast as he could.

 

When they reached the bedroom, Oswald placed his cane next to the bed, then with Jim's help he laid back and as soon as he was on that bed he gave a deep sigh of relief.

“That feels better!”

Jim started to undress him, first taking off his shoes and then the rest of his clothing as Oswald lay there looking up at him with an expression of contentment on his face.

“Thank you Jim, you're so kind,” he said as Jim gently folded the covers up to his chest.

Oswald was leaning against soft pillows, and now the weight was off his leg, he was in no pain at all.

“Come to bed.”

Jim got on to the bed, laying beside him but on top of the covers as he put an arm around him.

“No, don't look at me like that,” he said as he laughed and his face briefly flushed, “No matter how many times you bat those pretty eyes at me, I'm not getting into bed and making love to you! It's too soon, you need to rest and get stronger. I'd be too afraid of hurting you.”

“I'm not made of china!”

Jim looked down at him, right now he was pale and seemed fragile, he had been through so much so fast and all he wanted to do was treat him like he was as fragile as he looked. He wanted to keep him wrapped up warm in that bed for a long time, but he knew Oswald wouldn't allow it to last forever.

“Right now,” Jim said as he gently stroked his cheek, “You're still recovering. I want to look after you and make sure you're properly healed before you go home....” emotion flooded his heart as he blinked away tears, “You almost died! I never want anything to happen to you ever again, can you understand that?”

Oswald looked at him fondly, recalling all Jim had done for him, all the closeness they had shared too. But even though he was now his lover he just didn't get it, and perhaps never would...

“Jim, I'm a criminal. Sometimes it gets dangerous. But I wouldn't change that for the world! That's my life, the one I chose, the path I carved out to become king of Gotham. There will _always_ be danger.”

Jim was feeling it again, that divide between his world and that of his lover. He didn't want to think about the possibility that one day, he would have to make a choice. He knew if he did, he would choose Oswald even though he loved his job, believed in justice and wanted this city to be a better place. It could become the safest city on earth, but his bed would be cold without the man he loved... It still felt like a choice he never wanted to have to make.

As they lay together, Jim rested against the pillows and Oswald turned on his side, they were holding each other as he looked into his eyes and spoke again.

“I have great ideas for the future. I'm wealthy, successful, I have strong people around me, lots of protection. We would be very safe to go on with my plans.”

“What plans?” asked Jim.

Oswald's eyes shone warmly as he ran a hand over his shoulder, giving a contented sigh.

“Once you leave the GCPD, we can get married. You can be Jim Cobblepot. I like the sound of that!”

Jim stared at him.

“We've been together a few months -”

“Yes, yes, that doesn't matter,” Oswald said quickly, dismissing his remark with a wave of his hand, “I can give you a position of real power within my circle. I think having an ex cop on my team would make my position even stronger in this city. And we could have a family, adopt a couple of kids... please, Jim... say that's what you want?”

Jim had no reply to give at first as he looked at him, thinking how Oswald was clearly thinking about a future that was exactly how he wanted it to be – this was the first he had heard of these plans, too...

“I think we're great as we are,” Jim finally replied, “And we should slow down and just be together and enjoy what we have. It takes time to build a future.”

Oswald gave a sigh.

“These are all the things I wanted to do with Ed. Why can't you at least get a little bit excited?”

“Ed?” Jim said in surprise, “Oswald, he's a psychopath. He's tried to kill you more than once! You'd seriously marry him and raise kids with him?”

“Obviously not now,” he replied, “But that had always been my dream.”

He saw a flicker of sadness in his eyes and pulled him closer, holding him in a gentle embrace.

“You need to forget Ed,” he said softly, then he pressed his face into his hair, placing a kiss there. He held his lover for a long time as he slid into a deep sleep and Jim stayed awake, watching over him as he rested, thinking on all he had said – clearly, they would have to talk about the future eventually, and Oswald would have to understand that Jim had plans of his own, which had mainly consisted of keeping his job at the GCPD... But it could all wait. He was on leave, Oswald was here with him, safe and warm in his arms and for now, that was all that mattered...

 

Jim's time off work went too fast. By now Oswald was fully recovered and it was a struggle to persuade him to stay on, he wanted to go home, he wanted Jim to go with him, but Jim never wanted this to end, waking next to him every morning, turning over and being warm in his embrace as he kissed him softly and said _good morning_ as he watched Oswald open his eyes to the first light of dawn. So Jim went back to work and time passed. Then as all good things tended to fall apart beneath the often grey skies of this town, the bubble started to burst...

It had been four months since Oswald had gone to stay at the apartment, but now he was spending his time between Jim's place and his own – he still had the underworld to run, and a life of his own to take care of. Jim hated those times of separation but so far, he was still in his job. Ed Nygma was still sticking to his story that Oswald's lover was Jim Gordon, but with crime the way it was in Gotham, it would be many more months before the case came to trial, and Ed was still in Arkham psychiatric hospital.

 

For Oswald, it was easy to use his time away from Jim to attend to business – amongst other matters. He had given much thought to the situation and then asked Victor to drive him over to visit Ed. The first time, Victor had insisted on coming with him to ensure his safety. After the first few visits, he was waiting outside in the car and Oswald was going in alone. Jim knew nothing of these meetings, Oswald guessed eventually he would hear about it, but when he did, he knew what he would say - he had many reasons for doing this...

As he leaned on his cane and walked into the visiting room, Ed was sitting alone at a table and his sad eyes lit up as he saw him.

“Oswald!” he said, instantly brightening up.

As he took a seat and looked across the table, Oswald felt his heart ache.

“You look so well, I'm glad,” Ed told him.

Oswald looked back at him saying nothing for a moment as he gathered his thoughts.

“I'm very well, Ed,” he replied, “And I've been hearing all about your progress in here. You're progressing well with anger management and counselling, I knew you would. But I'm not too happy about you asking for electro shock therapy. Your kind of crazy can only be managed, never fixed completely and I don't want you to go through torture for me.”

Ed reached across the table and took hold of his hand.

“I swear, I'm doing this for me as much as for you, to try and fix the problem. I'm not thinking about the trial, when it comes to that I'm going to tell the truth. I'm going to say I lost control and barely remember it. And it's true that it wasn't me and it wasn't Riddler. It was something else inside of me that I can't control and for that reason, I need treatment. I don't care if I spend the next twenty years in this place, I deserve to be here!” his eyes had filled with tears.

Oswald gave his hand a squeeze and then let go, as he looked at him across the table with understanding reflecting in his gaze.

“That may be your plan but it's not mine, Ed,” he replied, “Yes, I want you to stay here until you can control your violence. _But I won't let this go to trial._ ”

Ed blinked.

“ _What?”_

Oswald smiled a crafty smile.

“I knew you never would have agreed to treatment before, so when you attacked me, I saw the perfect excuse to force you to get help. Look at you now – you want to get well! It might take a while, but you'll be out of here in good time. And I'll always be here for you. Maybe not in the way I used to be -”

“Please don't say that!” Ed's voice began to choke with tears.

Oswald stayed calm as he thought about his plan.

“As you know, I've been seeing someone else.”

Ed felt no flicker of rage as he thought about the affair.

“And that was my fault, I drove you away. Of course you'd choose a guy like Jim, he would never hurt you like I did.”

“And I'm still seeing him,” Oswald replied, “I'm not sure how he's going to take the news that I'm changing my story about the night of the assault, but it has to be done. AndI want you to sign these papers,” he added, taking some papers from his pocket, he carefully unfolded them, exposing the spaces for Ed's signature, then he slid them over and handed him a pen.

“What's this for?”

“Just to sign back every share you had in business ventures I shared with you during our time together. Do not bother reading them, just sign. _I want everything back_.”

Ed looked down at the paperwork and drew in a sharp breath as he blinked away tears.

“Okay, yes, I'll sign them, I deserve this...”

He signed the papers quickly and then placed the pen on top and slid then back over the table.

“Thank you,” Oswald said, and put the papers back in his jacket.

As he looked at him across the table, Ed wondered why there was a hint of a smile on Oswald's face.

“What are you so pleased about? I just willingly gave everything back to you.”

“I know you did.”

“Why are you looking at me like there's something I don't know?”

Oswald leaned in closer.

“You know me, Ed – I always have a plan going on.”

As he winked, Ed looked utterly confused.

“Oswald, what's this about?”

He smiled warmly as he sat there looking thoughtfully at Ed.

“I'm just covering all future possibilities. Obviously after being so unstable I could never let you have any kind of claim over any of my investments, legal or otherwise. But I have no intention of cutting you out of my life when you get out of here. That's _not_ a promise of a reunion. I'm just saying I'll always be around for you. We can never go back to the way we were but I won't turn my back on you. Now I have to go, Edward. I'll see you the same time next week.”

He got up from his seat as Ed just sat there looking confused. Then Oswald walked around to his seat, placed a hand on his cheek and leaned down and gently kissed him as Ed's eyes filled with tears.

“Oz?” he whispered, “Do you still love me?”

“I didn't say that,” Oswald replied quietly, avoiding his gaze as he turned away and hobbled out of the room.

After leaving Arkham, Oswald was driven away by Victor. He had intended to go straight back to the mansion, but as he thought of Ed and the secret visits his lover knew nothing about, Oswald told Victor to stop the car in the middle of a busy street, and then he got out and went into a florist store and ordered roses to be sent to Detective Jim Gordon at the GCPD.

 

Later that afternoon, when the red roses were delivered to his desk, Jim had smiled, his face had flushed a little and as he opened the card that said, _with all my love, Oz,_ he knew Harvey was looking at him before he raised his head.

“Let me guess – Cobblepot?”

Jim was still smiling as he nodded.

Harvey smiled too and shook his head.

“This is crazy... Penguin sending you roses! I never would have put the two of you together, I still think about it and I just can't believe you and him would get together.”

“You'll get used to it,” Jim replied.

Harvey laughed softly.

“You and Penguin.... no, I'm _still_ thinking how crazy that is!” he said, then he got on with his paperwork as Jim put the card in his pocket and looked to the red roses as they filled the office with the scent of romance.

 

Later when Jim got home, he found Oswald had already used the spare key to let himself in to wait for him. After the roses, this was an even better surprise. Oswald rose from the couch and walked to the middle of the room to greet him, the scent of his cologne was already arousing him as he looked into his lover's eyes.

“Thanks for the roses,” Jim said, and he smiled warmly, “I wasn't expecting to see you today, this is an even better surprise! I guess it must be a quiet day in the underworld for the boss to be taking time off to pay me an unexpected visit.”

Then his smile faded. He had caught the look in Oswald's eyes, it was a look of apprehension.

“What's wrong?”

“Nothing...” Oswald leaned on his cane and went out into the hallway, then as Jim followed he gave a deep sigh as he gathered his thoughts as he leaned hard against the wall.

“We need to talk about something important... a police matter.”

As Jim met his gaze he felt confused.

“It's a police matter? Look, if you need me to find something out for you or get one of your people out of trouble that could be difficult. I mean, we're a secret – if it gets out I've lost my job -”

“No, Jim...” Oswald paused, looking intently into his eyes and suddenly, Jim knew something was _very_ wrong...

“What is it?” he said quietly.

“It's like this, Jim,” Oswald began, “When I was injured, I know it was serious - and head injuries can affect memories. Especially the memory of what happened on that night. You kept asking me who hurt me. I told you the truth, the person who had been hurting me for months was Ed. But not on that night. _I was very drunk. I slipped and fell down the stairs at the club. When I came to, I staggered outside. That's when I must have passed out. We need to get these charges dropped. Ed's innocent_.”

He was getting Nygma off the hook?

One look in his eyes was all he need to know he was lying, this wasn't Oswald his lover, this was his full on Penguin, king of the underworld mode... He may as well have walked into the GCPD and loudly announced his presence and had a desk clerk take the statement for the way he had just said it. And he was smiling, too.

“I was confused,” he added, “But I'm not confused now. By the way, it won't make a difference to Ed. He wants to stay in Arkham. He's responding well to treatment.”

Jim stared at him.

“Have you gone crazy? What are you saying, you want that lunatic back in your life...”

“No, not exactly -”

“ _You went to see him?”_ Jim said angrily.

Oswald raised his hand to appeal for calm and Jim grabbed it, shoving him up against the wall as his eyes blazed with fury.

“ _You've seen Nygma behind my back?”_

Oswald's eyes reflected hurt as he glanced to his pinned wrist.

“ _Let go of me!”_ he yelled as tears of anger and pain filled his eyes, “Haven't I been through enough? Do I have to remind you I had to fight and lie and _kill_ to get where I am today? Or maybe that's why you despise me, maybe that's why you're behaving just like Ed, you can't accept someone like me could have that much authority, do you really resent me that much, or are you just looking down on me? _Tell me, Jim! Do you think I'm just a lowlife like all the rest of the scum you pull off the streets everyday? I'm supposed to be the one you love, show me some fucking respect!_ ”

Tear streaked Oswald's face. Jim let go of his wrist as his own eyes stung with tears.

“Oh Christ no, I'd never be like Ed... I _do_ respect you!”

Oswald was shaking. He blinked and another tear ran down his face.

“I'm sorry!” Jim said, kissing his wet cheek, “I'm so sorry...”

He fell to his knees in front of him. As he tugged hard at the fabric of Oswald's suit he heard him stifle a sob, then he freed his erection and reached up, closing gentle hands around his hips as he started to suck.

“I'm sorry,” he whispered again as he briefly pulled away, then he grabbed his hand, kissed the back of it and took him in his mouth again.

“Jim...” Oswald whispered, he gave a sniff and his voice still sounded tearful, but then he gasped and slid one hand to the back of his head as he used the other to lean on his cane, rocking his hips in rhythm with Jim's movements. He came quickly, giving a sharp cry as he thrust hard, pulling on Jim's hair as he reached climax.

As he pulled away and looked up, Oswald looked down at him, he was breathless and lightly perspiring. He stroked Jim's hair, and he instantly saw forgiveness in his eyes.

“I apologise for not telling you about my visits to Ed.”

Jim got up from the floor as Oswald tidied his clothing.

“I'm sorry I lost it like that. I'd never treat you like Nygma did.”

Now only kindness reflected in Oswald's gaze. Jim tenderly wiped away his tears as he looked into his eyes.

“And that is why I shall always care for Ed in any way he needs it, but we won't get back together,” Oswald told him, “I forgive him, I've forgiven everything! I need to drop those charges, he's doing so well in Arkham. He doesn't want to be released until he's better. But he doesn't need an attempted murder charge putting him away for life.”

Jim gave a heavy sigh.

“Okay, I'll arrange for you to change your statement -”

“No need!”

Oswald's mood shifted instantly as he smiled brightly and he whipped some folded papers from his pocket, “I already have my statement and Edward has signed his, once again confirming he was at home that night. The other papers are business documents, I asked him to sign back all the assets I shared with him during our partnership. He was happy to do it, he said he deserved it.”

As he handed the relevant papers to Jim, he quickly sorted through the business documents, then as gathered them together, Jim spoke up.

“What's that other one?” he asked, indicating to a smaller paper that was folded tightly.

“More business, nothing to worry about,” Oswald said quickly, and put the papers back in his jacket, “Look at the time!” he added, checking his watch, “I'd better go, Jim. I have a lot to do. I'll call you.”

He kissed him goodbye and then left the apartment. As the door closed behind him, Jim stood alone in the hallway, wondering why he still felt uneasy about all that Oswald had just said – maybe Victor had been right when he had warned him that Oswald would never walk away from Ed, he didn't want to think about it at all, he wanted to dismiss that thought that sent an ache through his heart, but still that worry hovered in his mind. Now he was starting to wonder exactly what Oswald was planning for the future – if his future had always involved Ed, it seemed to mean Ed would always be around, one way or another...

It was not a thought he welcomed at all, but he was starting to understand that to love Oswald meant doing things his way, he hadn't risen to power by being anything less than fierce and he expected everyone around him to bend to his will. Jim still wasn't sure what he would do when Oswald demanded he left his career in the force and joined him on the other side of the law. He didn't want to dwell on that thought, but he knew that day would come around soon enough. When it did come, he still didn't know what his answer would be...

 

 


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

 

Jim had tried not to think too deeply about the future, about the day coming when he would either have to quit his job or lose the man he loved.

_But everything was about to change._

Two days after their emotional day at the apartment when they had both cried and Jim had fallen to his knees before Oswald, the quarrel was forgotten. That morning Jim had received a text message from Oswald, telling him to meet him back at the apartment at noon. _I've missed you!_ He had added, and that had made Jim smile.

But between that early morning text and coffee and breakfast and the drive to work, something had happened that would shatter everything. Two hours after waking to that message, Jim had gone into work, entered his office and there was Harvey, at his desk with a solemn expression on his face.

“What's wrong?” Jim asked as he took off his coat and hung it up.

Harvey rose from his seat and stood by the window, looking down at the busy streets below.

“I need to talk to you about something,” he said quietly.

Jim joined him at the window, and it took Harvey a moment to compose his thoughts before he turned and met his gaze.

“Have you spoken to Penguin this morning?”

“I heard from him earlier – what's this about, is something wrong?”

His tension had spiked immediately and Harvey was quick to kill the very worst of his fears.

“It's not about Cobblepot. I'm guessing he contacted you before he knew.”

“Knew about what?”

As Harvey looked at Jim he felt deeply sorry for him; he had watched him have this affair with the man who ran the city's underworld and all the while it had felt like something comparable to a train wreck about to happen, now those trains had just collided and it was going to turn out to be a fucking awful mess...

“You know Penguin dropped the charges against Nygma?”

“Yes, I know about that.”

“Well it looks like they would have been dropped anyway. It seems that all outstanding charges against him would have very little solid ground now.”

What Harvey had said made no sense.

“I don't understand...”

“Edward Nygma collapsed this morning with a seizure. He had a scan and they found the reason for his violent behaviour. Apparently it's made his personality disorder much worse and would even have contributed towards the murders he committed as well as the two attempts on Oswald's life. He really wasn't in control of his actions. He has a brain tumour.”

The news had come as a complete shock.

“Does... does Oswald know?” Jim said quietly.

“He's been informed and I'm guessing he's with him right at this very moment. The hospital said Nygma's in a bad way, it doesn't sound like he's going to come through this. But that's not a police matter – _Jim, what the hell are you doing? Leave the guy alone!_ ”

Jim had pulled his phone from his pocket.

“I need to call Oz!”

“Not now, give him space!”

Jim ignored him and hit speed dial, then the phone rang three times and the call was sharply cut off. He tried again, and this time Oswald's phone was switched off. He waited for the call to be diverted and left him a message:

“Ozzy, it's Jim. I just heard about Ed. I'm here if you need me. I'm thinking of you.”

Then he ended the call and put his phone back in his pocket.

“I have to see him.”

“You need to leave him alone, his ex is dying!” Harvey said sharply.

Jim felt a flicker of alarm as he thought about Oswald, all alone and weeping at Ed's bedside.

“But he needs me!” he said as tears choked his voice, “What am I supposed to do, nothing? He just cut the phone off, he won't even answer my calls!”

“Then take the hint,” Harvey told him firmly, “Sit down, I'll fetch a coffee. Calm the fuck down and remember where you are! Let him deal with this, it's his past, not yours.”

Jim sat at his desk and wiped his eyes. The roses were still fresh on his desk, a gift from Oswald. His heart ached as he could only imagine the pain he had felt on hearing the news about Ed. He felt shut out at the worst possible time... Harvey fetched some coffee, put it down in front of him and then went back to his own desk.

“As long as it stays quiet today, if anyone asks, we're busy on a case and don't want to be disturbed,” he said, “I'm here, I'm your friend. Talk to me, cry in front of me, but _don't_ take this anywhere else. And let Cobblepot deal with Nygma, this is his private matter.”

“Thanks for the advice, Harvey,” said Jim quietly, then he sipped his coffee, put it down again and started to think about the situation:

_He was ready to be there for Oswald when the worst happened, he would be the one who comforted him after Ed was gone, he would get him through the funeral and all the grieving that followed... Then, once Nygma was gone and forgotten they could get on with their lives. Maybe they could compromise, he could stay a cop and help Oswald out sometimes...Or maybe he would just quit his job and be with Oswald full time. Once Ed was gone it would be so much easier..._

That thought gave Jim a sharp jolt:

_Fuck, had he just wished another man dead so he could have Oswald all to himself? Had love made him so blind to compassion that he was starting to think so coldly? Of course he didn't want Ed to die..._

He was tearful as he took his phone from his pocket again, and this time he sent a text message:

_Truly sorry to hear about Edward. I hope he makes it. Call me as soon as you can._

He sent the message, then his phone was snatched from his grasp.

“Enough,” said Harvey, turning off the phone and putting it into his own pocket, “It's confiscated, this is for your own good before Cobblepot snaps and tells you to fuck off out of his life forever. He doesn't need you bothering him at this time. You can have your phone back at the end of the day.”

Jim stared at him.

“It's my phone!”

“And you're my friend,” Harvey reminded him, “I don't understand what you see in a guy like Penguin, he's the worst person a man like you could get tangled up with, he could cost you your job! But looking at your face at this moment, I'm more concerned you could get your heart broken. I don't want to see your life smashed to pieces if he ends it with you out of guilt. Leave him be. He'll call when he's ready.”

Jim gave a heavy sigh as he looked at Harvey, silently feeling thankful to know this kind hearted man who didn't have to be helping at all, but wanted to in the name of friendship.

At the end of the day, Harvey gave the phone back. Oswald had not replied. The next few days dragged on slowly for Jim, but he took Harvey's advice and made no more calls. By now all the paperwork was in place and Nygma was no longer a matter for the police, this meant Jim couldn't make calls and use his job to find out information. It was two whole weeks before he heard from Oswald and when he did, the message was brief:

_Meet me at the pier._

 

As he walked alone towards the end of the pier, for now, the place was empty. Sunlight danced on the water making the river look bright, but he had never felt so alone as he remembered the last time they had been here and he had held Oswald as he laughed and said he had never felt so happy...

“ _Jim...”_

He turned from the water. Oswald was making his way down to meet him, a short distance away his car was parked and Victor was standing by the closed drivers door. As they met at the end of the pier, Jim took one glance at Oswald and knew he had been through hell over Ed. He looked tired, his eyes were slightly red from crying, he was leaning on his cane heavier than usual. As he joined him, Jim was the first to speak as they stood together, framed by the Gotham river and the buildings that shone in the sunlight on the other side of the water.

“I'm truly sorry about Ed.”

Oswald turned away, looking across the water, as they stood side by side, he was still leaning heavily on his cane and his other hand was at his side as he made no attempt to reach for him.

“It was a terrible shock,” Oswald said, and his voice trembled as he spoke, “But at least I know why he treated me the way he did. Poor Edward had no control over his actions. That's why he got worse towards the end, because his condition was deteriorating. I should have known something was wrong, he got terrible headaches... I just didn't realise.”

“No one did,” Jim reminded him.

Oswald was still looking to the water.

“But thankfully he was in the best place when he did collapse – they found the problem and he had surgery the same day...”

“He's still alive?”

Oswald turned to him and smiled as his eyes shone with joy.

“Yes Jim, thank god, he's still alive! It was a risky procedure but he pulled through. It's going to take him a couple of years to fully recover but I haven't lost him.”

Jim felt a spike of pain run through his heart: _Like Victor had said, Penguin would never leave Ed..._ He felt tears sting at his eyes as he struggled to hold back from weeping.

“So I guess this means you're going back to him?”

“Last night I called a meeting of all the gang leaders,” Oswald replied, “I cut up all my turf and in exchange for generous sums I won't disclose, I sold off my empire – in exchange not only for cash, but the assurance that every recipient of that very good deal will forever be in my debt. This means I can walk away with no enemies. I'm keeping the Iceberg Lounge and a few other legitimate business interests. Penguin is no longer running this town. Now I'm just businessman Oswald Cobblepot, taking a lot of time out to look after Ed and help him with his recovery. I had to choose between building an empire or building a life with Ed. Under these circumstances, it wasn't a hard decision to make. This also means if it ever gets out that you had a love affair with a notorious criminal, the rumour won't matter – my hands are now clean.”

“But you did this for Ed, not me.”

“Of course I did. Ed comes first.”

Jim cleared his throat but the lump that was rising in it, along with the tears that stung his eyes, was a struggle to control. As he spoke again, his voice became tearful.

“And... what about the rest of it... what about us?”

Oswald looked at him sharply, with all trace of fondness gone from his gaze. In that moment, he was looking at him as if their affair had never happened.

“Obviously, what happened with Ed changes everything. I'm sorry, Jim. There is no us!”

“But you can't just walk away -”

“ _I can do what I like!”_ Oswald said sharply, _“It's over, I'm sorry Jim, but it's finished!”_

Jim reached for him and Oswald stepped back.

“No, please don't... I'm leaving...”

He turned around sharply and started to hobble away. Jim felt the heartbreak like a knife through his chest as he gave a sob, then he yelled at Oswald, who didn't look back:  
 _“Just tell me, did you ever really love me? Did you? Answer me, Oswald!”_

But he didn't get an answer. All he could see was his back turned as Oswald hurried to the car, he didn't see his face streaked with tears or the regret in his eyes, he kept it hidden. All Jim saw was Oswald pause and grab Victor's arm and speak to him, then as Victor stood there looking towards the pier, Oswald got into the car and drove off alone.

 

In the moments that followed, as Jim wiped his eyes and began to walk away from the pier, he actually wondered if Oswald had told Victor to shoot him. Then as he got closer he saw he had not drawn his guns, instead he just stood there, waiting for him. Jim was still tearful as he left the pier and met with Victor, who looked at him with sympathy.

“I won't say I told you so...”

“What did he say to you just now?” Jim demanded as he wiped his eyes with the back of his hand.

“He told me to explain that he can't see you any more. He's sorry, but it's over. He's with Ed now. You need to stay away.”

Jim's eyes stung with tears again as sadness and anger clashed together.

“I fucking _loved_ him!”

“I know,” Victor replied, then as Jim gave a sob, Victor pulled him into a brief embrace, letting him sob against his shoulder as he patted his back.

“You'll get over it,” he said as Jim let go and wiped his eyes again, “I know what you see I him, I get it – he's cute and the nice side of him is easy to like – but he's also Penguin. He gets what he wants. And him and Ed will _never_ break up...” he looked thoughtfully at Jim, adding, “You're a nice guy. And you will get over this... Do you have a card on you, one of those police cards with your number on it?”

Jim nodded, then he reached into his pocket and pulled out his card and handed it to him. Victor took out a pen, wrote something on the back of the card and handed it back.

“Keep this.”

Jim looked at the number.

“What's it for?”

“It's my phone number,” Victor replied, “Just in case you feel down, or you want to talk to someone about Penguin... just call me, okay?”

Jim managed a smile.

“Did Oswald ask you to do this?”

“No,” he replied honestly, “He just told me to make sure you understand the situation, and to make sure you're okay.”

“Thanks,” Jim replied, then he went back to his car.

As he got in, Victor sat in the passenger seat.

“What are you doing?” Jim asked.

“Penguin took the car. I need a ride into town.”

“Okay,” Jim replied, and he smiled again, thinking how dumb he had been to actually think for one second that his former lover would have asked his hit man to shoot him.

He started the car, they drove back into town, he dropped Victor off a couple of blocks from his own destination, Victor thanked him for the ride and told him to take care, then he walked away. After that Jim drove back to work, went straight to his office and was glad to find Harvey there. He cried some more, Harvey listened, then Jim dried his tears. Life without Oswald was going to be hard to get used to, but time eventually healed all wounds, even the worst of heartbreaks...

 

**Ten years Later:**

 

After bumping into Ed and Oswald at the tattoo parlour, the memory of his break up with Oswald had been sharp in Jim's mind. It was crazy how the years could just fall away in a split second and old heartache feel so fresh, so recent. While he was glad to know that Oswald was happy now, it still made his heart ache to think he had been so sick. The only positive he could take from that was knowing they had started to build a bridge towards friendship after all these years, at least they had done that before it was too late...

Jim was at home at his apartment, it was just gone six in the evening. He was on the couch thinking about the events of the day when his phone buzzed a text message alert. He checked the message, it was from Ed:

_Hi Jim, are you getting this message? Is this a good time to send over those videos?_

He replied at once, _Yes, it's fine, I'm at home all evening._

 _Okay,_ Ed replied, _I'll send them now. Can you please reply to me once you've watched to confirm you have deleted them?_

 _Sure,_ Jim wrote back.

_And give me your word you won't discuss the content with anyone. No matter who asks, you know nothing, okay?_

Jim replied at once:

_You have my word._

Then he waited. Nothing happened, so he put his phone down on the table. Still nothing came through, so he started thinking about all he had previously learned online. Curiosity was getting the better of him again. He picked up his phone and searched the name _Ozzy Nygma._ He could still see very little, the profile picture of him and Ed in a dimly it room was still there, but now he could see a cover picture too and he was surprised to see it was an old picture of Oswald's mother. It had been taken years back in the bar and she was looking into the camera and smiling. He saw comments on the picture and read them:

 _Your Mom looks lovely there, RIP Gertrude,_ Ivy had written.

 _So nice to see you again, Oswald's Mom!_ Ed had typed, and beneath it there was a response from Oswald, _I remember taking this picture. I'm looking into her eyes and it's as if she lives again. My beautiful Mother._

There were a few other responses, from a few names that Jim vaguely recalled from the past, and a lot of likes on the photo.

Jim looked at the picture again, wondering, why Gertrude, why now? She had been dead for years. Maybe it was the anniversary of her death, or perhaps her birthday...

There was nothing else to see. He went to Ed's profile. The picture of Oswald was still there, and the picture of Ed's tattoo, but his profile picture had changed to one of him and Oswald, in the picture Ed was not his usual sharp dressed self, instead he worse a vest that showed off his tattooed arms as he stood behind Oswald who was sitting on a chair in the garden, and as Oswald smiled for the camera, Ed had kissed his cheek. Jim went to the comments. He heard his email alert going off but stayed on the page, reading what had been written:

 _My incredible Ozzy,_ Ed had wrote.

 _Nice to see him looking so well,_ Ivy had added.

 _He is incredible, so very brave, sending much love to you both_ , said another comment.

That remark had surprised Jim – it had been made by Barbara? He felt utterly confused as he wondered why Barbara would be so close to them, but he guessed a lot of time had passed and that had to be a reason why they had become friends, although he had never imagined man hating Barbara Kean would ever have become so close to Ed and Oswald that they would let her into any kind of friendship circle...

There was nothing else to see. While he had been reading, several alerts had gone off. He checked his email. He had been sent several videos. With the first, there was a message from Ed:

_'Hi Jim, You are not aware of this, and you wont work out what it is yet (this is not a riddle) but you did my Oswald a huge favour years ago. It's nothing to do with what happened between you and him. Forget that, it's in the past and over and done with. It's something else you did - and for that you have my eternal gratitude. You will at least understand that by the time you've finished watching. We are both considering letting you a little closer into our lives as we both consider you a friend. I mean, you and I go way back, even further than you and Ozzy – to when I worked in forensics! Under the circumstances, Ozzy also feels we should do this sooner rather than later, as long as we are both sure we can trust you. Trust - confidentiality - is very important to us for reasons you are yet to understand. All will make perfect sense eventually. And please, do remember to let me know once you've watched the videos and deleted them. Fondest regards, Edward Nygma.'_

After reading that message, Jim was smiling as he felt a sudden warmth towards Ed – yes, they did go a long way back, so much of that had been forgotten after Ed had turned to crime, then later, when he had almost killed Oswald, that memory had stayed with Jim for a long while. But now he was starting to see past that – Ed had changed, and clearly, loved Oswald very deeply and showed it at every opportunity, too.

Jim settled back on the couch and took a deep breath, getting ready to watch the videos as he felt sure it wouldn't be easy viewing. But he wanted to know what was going on, so he gave himself a silent reminder to keep his emotions in check, and then started to watch:

The first film showed the hallway of the mansion. Ed turned the camera around and started to speak:

“This is the start of my video diary. I'm not sure how far it will go because there's a few risks with this treatment and as I said in a previous video, Ozzy didn't go into detail with me about that until a few days ago...” he paused, looking tense as he thought back, “So this might get a bit scary...but as he said, it's his only chance, so he's going to try it. Forgive me if I sound a bit less than serious at times but I'm trying to keep things light... it's how I cope...” he forced a smile, then he turned the camera towards Oswald, who looked pale and worried as he joined him by the front door.

“Shall we get this adventure started?”Ed said brightly.

Oswald was leaning against the closed door, taking some deep breaths.

“Get that camera out of my face, Ed. I'm really not looking forward to this.”

“It's four things,” Ed reminded him, “Two months on the meds, then minor surgery, then a few weeks later another minor surgery. It should be over in something like five months. I'm quoting you, by the way. That's how you told me it would be.”

Oswald looked like he was about to either throw up or pass out.

“I'm not exactly looking forward to it.”

“I am!” Ed said excitedly, “Think of the end result, Oz. You won't be sick forever.”

“And I've just remembered how much I hate needles.”

Ed laughed from behind the camera.

“Come on, let's get you in the car...”

The video ended. The next one started as they sat in the car again, now it was nightfall and they were in the back of the car, being driven away from the city hospital. Ed spoke into the camera first.

“Ozzy survived having a needle stuck in his arm,” he said, then he laughed, “So now we're going home with a lot of medication that he has to take for the next two months, it's the stuff that makes the rest of the treatment work - very smart drugs and they're very powerful. He's already had one dose today and he got through it okay.”

“No I did not!” Oswald whispered, and Ed turned the camera around as he laughed again.

“Oh, poor Ozzy!” he said, sounding far from concerned, “You'll get used to it...”

As Jim watched and saw Oswald huddled on the back seat shivering into a blanket as he broke into a cold sweat, he felt deeply sorry for him. _And Ed was making light of all this?_

“Have some compassion, Ed...” he murmured, then he watched as Ed spoke into the camera again with a bemused look on his face:

“Current side effects are a bit like flu. He can handle that, he's just exaggerating. Everything is a big deal for him right now. Have some sympathy for _me_ , I have to live with all his drama!”

The recording ended.

Jim shook his head.

“He's sick, Ed...it's not funny...”

He took a deep breath and went to the next recording. Oswald was in bed at home, he was on his back and the covers were up to his chest.

“ _Boo!”_ said Ed, diving down and landing on the side of the bed, making Oswald jump.

“Be careful, Ed! I just want to lay here and not move, I'm scared of the pain.”

Ed turned the camera around and had a bemused expression on his face.

“There is no pain. Oswald is imagining it because he's had two months of medication that made him feel slightly unwell and then he had some minor surgery. It was such a simple procedure, but he can't see that. He thinks he's too fragile to move.”

“I feel fragile!”

Ed laid beside him and aimed the camera at both of them. Oswald looked into the lens and then looked away as Ed put an arm around him.

“When this is over, it's all going to be a distant memory,” he said, “And as soon as you're feeling better, being the sensitive guy that I am, I shall think of an appropriate way for us to celebrate...” he leaned closer to his ear, “I'm going to escort you to the Iceberg Lounge, get you drunk on cocktails and bring you back home and bang you senseless, Ozzy!”

Suddenly Oswald was laughing.

“Don't put that in the video!”

There was a playful, evil gleam in Ed's eyes as he spoke into the camera.

“Its going in, Ozzy! This is what my Oz is like when he's not sick, a few cocktails and he's all over me... Sometimes I feel sorry for Victor if he's driving us home - he has to look the other way, all he can see in the back of the car is my drunk and horny Oz climbing all over me!”

In the background, Jim heard Oswald laugh again.

“That's better,” Ed added, “It's about time you started laughing again.”

The next video was very different. Ed was standing outside a wall near the entrance to Arkham hospital, and behind his glasses, his eyes were red from crying.

“This has been a day from hell,” he said, “I guess a few of you know Oswald collapsed today, he was in a lot of pain, it was sudden... so we got it checked out and it turns out there's been a complication... So the second surgery happened today and it wasn't the thirty minute procedure we expected, it was four hours and had to be done at Arkham instead of the city hospital because it was so serious... But it's all okay now.” Ed blinked away tears as he struggled to speak, “Oh my, this has been terrible... Ozzy's in a lot of pain, I can't even make light of it now. He's really hurting, the scar went a lot further and deeper than we expected because the implant ruptured and started leaking. He's got a lot of stitches and to wake up and know there's nothing else he can do was very hard for him... I just want to take him home... that's all...I can't really speak any more...”

Ed was very emotional as he turned off the recording. This was getting hard to watch. Jim took a deep breath and started the next video.

A lamp was on in the bedroom giving off a soft glow. Oswald was resting in bed, sitting up supported by pillows. He still looked pale and tired and as he looked into the camera, Ed was in no mood to fool around.

“How are you feeling now, Oz?”

“Better,” he said quietly, “The pain relief is finally working.”

Ed sat down on the edge of the bed.

“It won't be long before you're healed, then you'll be back to your old self again, my beautiful, sexy Ozzy.”

Suddenly Oswald looked tearful.

“ _Ed, my body is wrecked!”_

“No it's not!”

“ _It is!”_

Ed gave a sigh.

“You won't feel that way once it stops hurting.”

“Turn the camera off!” Oswald said sharply, and looked away.

The next film was much later, in this one Oswald was looking his usual well groomed self as he sat in the Iceberg lounge with Ed. The place was empty and quiet and Oswald looked much better.

“This is Oswald,” Ed said in bemused tone, zooming in on his face, “Last week Oswald passed out in the Lounge, didn't you?”

He nodded as he started to laugh.

“Why did you give me such a terrible fright?” Ed demanded.

Oswald looked into the camera.

“Because I'd just got over some treatment to kill off the toxins left in my body by the complications.”

“And...?” Ed demanded.

Oswald's eyes danced with amusement.

“I wasn't supposed to drink alcohol for six weeks.”

“And you did,” Ed reminded him, “How many cocktails did you have, Oz?”

Oswald laughed harder.

“I had three in half an hour, Ed. Literally behind your back when you wasn't looking!”

“You're an idiot, Oz.” Ed stated.

“I know I am!” For the first time, Oswald looked really happy as he laughed with Ed. Then Ed shifted closer to Oswald, who put his head on his shoulder and stayed silent as Ed spoke into the camera.

“There's something I want to say... about what happened with the toxins. When the implant leaked, it put a lot of potentially dangerous chemicals into Oswald's body. But he was able to fight off ninety percent of it almost instantly. The reason for this is because he's twice been in the filthy waters of the Gotham river and after that, his body can take on any toxin and kick its ass. We had to got to Hugo Strange to get some meds to get rid of the last trace of it, but as you can see, Ozzy is feeling a lot better right now. That's mainly because of the incident... I won't say more, but _that_ incident when I shoved him into the river, _and_ the time before, when Jim Gordon pushed him in. So thanks Jim, where ever you are now – all these years later, what you did helped to save my husband from chemical poisoning...” he smiled, “We're very grateful.”

The recording ended.

That was all, there were no more videos.

Jim sat in silence, thinking about all he had seen. He still didn't know what was wrong with Oswald, but what Ed had said about exposure to the river water, and how it had helped him over come the complications, had deeply moved him. Then he remembered his promise and deleted the files. He then sent an email back to Ed:

_'Dear Ed, Thank you for sharing such tough times with me. I can't imagine how difficult it has been for you both. The files are deleted as promised. And you can count on my discretion. I won't tell anyone about this. I can see you've both been through a lot. I guess it's been as tough on you as it has on Oswald. I'm glad you have each other, hard times like this would be difficult to get through alone. I hope we can all meet up at a convenient time, I want to stay in touch with you both. Fond regards, Jim.'_

A reply came back quickly,  _Thank you, Jim. We will be in touch – Ed._

Jim put the phone down on the table. Then the buzzer sounded. He got up and went down the hall and spoke through the intercom.

“Hello?”

“Hi, Jim... I was just passing by and I thought I'd say hello... It's Ivy Pepper.”

_Ivy was here? Why?_

Her sudden appearance on his doorstep was a real surprise.

“Come up,” he said, and hit the button to let her in.

As he waited for her to knock on his door, he tried to push aside all the emotions that had stirred within him after watching those videos. Now Ivy was on her way up and he had not been expecting visitors this evening. He paused to wipe his eyes, then he took a deep breath, trying not to think about the emotional content he had just witnessed – he couldn't discuss any of it, even with Ivy, he had made a promise to Ed and he intended to honour it...

 

 


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

 

Ivy Pepper stood there on the doorstep in a short tailored skirt and a white blouse. Her long red hair was up in a ponytail and she wore long earrings that looked like trailing gold ivy. She smiled warmly as she entered the apartment.

“It's so nice to see you!” she said as Jim closed the door behind her.

“I'm surprised to see you, Ivy,” Jim replied honestly.

He invited her in, and then he made some coffee. She waited for him in the front room, saying nothing until he returned and set the coffee on the table. Then she settled back on the armchair, crossing her long legs as she got comfortable.

“Actually, you've been on my mind since we spoke online,” Ivy admitted, “I don't see nearly enough of Ozzy and Ed. I don't know what's been going on in their lives lately. It's like they're shutting everyone out. It's hard, Oswald is my best friend.”

“I saw them recently,” Jim replied, “It was just by chance. They both looked well, I bumped into them when Ed was getting some work done to his back tattoo.”

Ivy paused for thought.

“Does Oswald seem okay?”

“He looks just fine,” Jim replied, then as he sipped his coffee and put it down again, he felt slightly guilty – Ivy was Oswald's best friend, and even she didn't know everything... If she was hoping for information, he wasn't going to give it, he wasn't going to break his promise to Ed. Then Ivy said something unexpected.

“I hope you don't mind me asking, I was just wondering... are you still in love with Oswald?”

Jim was glad his coffee was still on the table, if he had been drinking it at that moment, he would have choked on it out of shock.

“No, of course I'm not! I'll always care very much about him, we had something very special... a long time ago. I'll always care for him as a friend.”

“What about Ed, do you like him?” she asked, “You guys go a long way back, you used to know him from the GCPD, right?”

“Yes, he worked in forensics before... everything else that happened. It took a long time for me to understand that what he did to Oswald wasn't his fault. Back then feelings were very raw for me. But...” he smiled as he thought of Ed, “When I saw him coming out of that tattoo parlour, I wanted to give him a hug. I didn't get the chance, he was too busy playing with his camera.”

Ivy laughed.

“He's always making videos. I think Ed's always liked attention. These days he gets it with his tattoos. He's always showing them off, always joking around with Ozzy... I just wish they'd let me in and tell me everything. I don't know much these days.”

“They seem very happy,” Jim replied, “And I'm glad about that.”

Ivy's phone sounded a text alert.

“Excuse me,” she said, then she read the message and quickly sent a reply. She kept the phone in her hand, moments later another alert sounded and she paused to answer a second message.

“Sorry about that,” she said, and then she drank some coffee and put the cup down on the table.

“I shouldn't really be asking this,” she added, “But I was just wondering if you know anything I don't. I know you wanted to find out what was going on and I don't really know much at all – only what they told me. It's been a while since I've been to the house.”

“Oswald is fine,” Jim replied, “I saw him in the street recently and he looked okay, honestly, I'm not making it up. And that's all I know.”

Then Ivy smiled.

“I'm really sorry about this,” she admitted, “But I'm not here because I happened to be passing by. I'm actually here to check your email to be sure you followed Ed's instructions. No offence is intended.”

Again, he felt taken by surprise. Now this was starting to feel like some kind of conspiracy, and he was yet to learn why...

“You need to check my email?”

“I don't need your password, just sign in and let me check you've deleted the files and you haven't sent them on anywhere else.”

Jim accessed his email and handed her his phone.

“I've got nothing to hide,” he said, as he watched her checking it and wondered what the big deal was around all this secrecy. He understood that Oswald didn't want the world to know how sick he was, but to send Ivy to the house to check he had destroyed the videos seemed very strange indeed...

Ivy handed the phone back to him.

“Thank you, Jim,” she said, then she reached for her own phone and sent a message.

Jim sat there in silence as he wondered what she would say next. A reply came back. She read it, then as she got up, so did Jim.

“What's going on, Ivy?”

She paused to gather her thoughts and then smiled politely.

“The Nygmas apologise for testing your loyalty. They also thank you for proving trustworthy and would like to welcome you into their circle of friends,” she said, then she leaned closer and kissed his cheek.

“That's from Ozzy and Ed, not me,” she added, “Everything I said to you about not hearing from them wasn't true. I see them almost every day. It was another test.”

“To see if I'd say anything about the videos?”

She nodded.

“They also understand how hard this has been on you emotionally, considering your past links to both of them in very different ways. But you can be sure all will be explained very soon. Keep Saturday free. A car will be sent to pick you up at ten am and you will spend the day at the Van Dahl mansion, Ed and Ozzy are looking forward to seeing you, to strengthen ties of friendship.”

Jim looked at her in surprise.

“How is Ozzy, is he going to be okay?”

Ivy looked at him apologetically as she shook her head.

“I can't say anything, I'm sorry. They want to tell you everything face to face. And also, I _really, really_ don't approve of the _horrible_ thought of flowers being cut, but I do love those guys very much and this isn't my request. Ed would like you to please bring some flowers in a bouquet for Oswald. He said it's very important that everyone around him makes him realise how special and loved he is, he's always giving him flowers and he wants their friends to do the same.”

Those words gave Jim a sharp jolt. He still didn't know what was going on and the part about the flowers had him worried.

“He wants me to bring him flowers?”

“Ed recommends shades of orange, purple, blue or deepest crimson, Ozzy likes those shades. Orchids, chrysanthemums lily arrangements are preferred. But no red roses. Only Ed gives him those.”

“Of course,” Jim replied, then he thought again about all he had seen on the videos and emotion got the better of him as he blinked away tears.

“I need to know about Oswald... how long does he have left?”

Ivy stepped closer and gave him a hug.

“I'm sorry, I can't tell you anything,” she said as she let go, “But everything will be much clearer soon enough. Just see them both on Saturday and then you'll understand.”

He thanked her for stopping by, then she said she had to get back her greenhouse to feed the plants. Jim walked her to the door and as she left she smiled warmly, before walking away.

Jim closed the door and went back to the front room and sat down. He thought about all he had learned – which was very little, he still didn't know why Oswald was so sick, or how long he had left. But at least he would get some answers at the weekend...

He still got the oddest feeling that perhaps he hadn't quite grasped all the facts here; last time he had seen him, Oswald had looked happy and well. He got the feeling he was missing something, which for a detective, was frustrating. The days would go by very slowly as he waited for the weekend to come around, when he would finally get to the truth of what was starting to feel strangely like a mystery, although he wasn't quite sure why...

 

The week dragged by. Every day, Jim kept thinking of Saturday and wondering what he would learn. But he could tell no one; he had made his promise and he would keep it. To know he had gained the trust of Oswald and Ed meant a lot after all these years. There had been a lot of water under the bridge, but they were willing to rebuild ties, ten years on, under very different circumstances, and Jim appreciated that.

When the weekend finally arrived, Jim felt nervous. He went out early to a florist and looked at the flowers, unsure what to order. He had never been into buying bouquets except for the occasional bunch of red roses to send to dates... He had pointed at a large bouquet in shades of orange and burnt gold and deepest purple.

“That one...” was all he said, indicating to the arrangement, then he had paid for the flowers and left.

On the way back, he stopped off by the pier, looking to the end of it. Now it was empty and sunlight made the water shine and the cityscape beyond it look bright, much as it had on that last day he had been with his lover. In that moment, Jim was struck by the crazy thought that back in time, he was still standing on the end of that pier, on a happier day, as he embraced Oswald. _For a moment he could see them there in his minds eye, then the image shimmered and vanished like ghosts. He felt an ache like an old wound had opened up in his heart. What ever was wrong with Oswald, at least it wasn't too late, at least they could mend their friendship..._

He returned home. Waiting for the car to turn up was difficult. Jim kept checking his watch, then looking out the window. Finally just before ten am, a car pulled up outside and he picked up the flowers and left his apartment.

 

Victor was waiting in the car. He smiled as he laid eyes on Jim.

“Hey Jim, how are you?” he said brightly.

Jim got into the passenger seat and forced a polite smile. Last time he had seen Zsasz had been that day on the pier, when Oswald had ended their relationship and Jim had been a tearful wreck.

“I'm fine,” he replied as the car pulled away and headed off on the drive that would take them through the city and out into the better side of town, “So, you're still working for Oswald?”

“He asked me to stay on after he cut ties with the underworld. It's not a bad job at all, he pays me well, I'm their security guy mainly – although these days that job description covers a _lot_ more.”

Victor was watching the road as they hit the highway. Jim was deep in thought, then he spoke up again.

“I guess it's been difficult this past year.”

“Difficult?” Victor exclaimed, “Yeah, I'd say that just about covers it. Penguin's been a real pain sometimes!”

Jim glanced at him in surprise.

“He's been sick, you can't blame him for that.”

Victor gave a sigh and shook his head.

“You have no idea what it's been like. You don't know what he's been like. I'm not denying he's got guts, he's been through a lot – but it's been hard on Ed, too. That guy has _so_ much patience!”

Jim met his gaze.

“Oswald's been through a terrible time. Don't you feel sorry for him?”

“No,” Victor said in surprise, then he looked back to the road, “As I said, the boss did go through hell – but the way he goes on about it, you'd think no one in the history of the human race has ever been through it! And he's one of those people who goes into _way_ too much detail if you ask him about stuff... I once had to listen for an hour, Jim, a whole hour! It was too much information!”

Jim glanced at Victor, who was still watching the road. Then he looked away, feeling confused. It didn't make sense that he had no compassion for the man he had worked for all these years...

“But you must have found it hard, to watch him go through so much?”

“There were some bad moments,” Victor admitted, “But you know Penguin – when he sets his mind to something, he goes all out to do what he wants... Ed wanted him to wait a couple of years, when it would have been a lot safer, but he said he couldn't wait. That's Penguin, always willing to take a risk.”

“But he had no choice,” Jim pointed out, “He's sick, he's probably desperate.”

“He was definitely desperate. And determined,” Victor replied.

“What's wrong with him?” Jim asked quietly.

Victor glanced at him.

“I've been asking myself that question for years!” he replied, and then he laughed, “I guess he's just crazy enough to take a huge risk. He's always been the same.”

“Why won't anyone answer my question?”

“Because it's up to him to tell you. I'm not allowed to tell you what's up, or what's been happening. Just be warned about how he goes into too much detail. And these days, Ed spoils him way too much, he's got used to that and expects it from everyone now. Just humour him, that's my advice... and be kind, he's a bit fragile, according to Ed. I don't personally think he is now. You'll understand when you know what's going on.”

Then he laughed again as Jim sat there feeling utterly confused. A short while later, they drove through the gates of the Van Dahl mansion, and Victor parked outside. Jim got out of the car. Finally, he was about to get some answers...

 

They went up to the front door and Ed opened it, he was in a suit but his tie was off, his jacket was off and his shirt sleeves were rolled up, showing off his inked arms. His shirt was partly unbuttoned too, where more tattoos were visible. In that moment it dawned on Jim just how much time had flown by, and how much it had changed them all...

“Jim!” he said warmly, “It's wonderful to see you! And those flowers are perfect, Ozzy will love them!”

He took the flowers from Jim and thrust them into Victor's hands.

“Put these in water, next to Ozzy's favourite couch.”

As Victor walked off, Ed led him inside and closed the door.

“It's been years since we properly met as friends,” he said, “Today is a new start, Jim. And I realise recent times have been very upsetting for you, not knowing what's going on, but that's about to change...”

He led him through to a front room that hadn't changed since the days when Oswald had ruled the underworld. Victor briefly made an appearance, placing the flowers, now in a vase, on a table next to a couch. As he left the room, Ed sat on an armchair that was close to the couch, then gestured to the other seat.

“You sit there,” he said, “Then we can both be close to Ozzy when he comes in. Oh dear, that's not right...” he had sat down, but then he got up again and leaned over the couch, carefully arranging cushions against one end of it, “He needs to be comfortable,” Ed explained, then he sat down and turned to Jim.

“I expect you have many questions. I'm going to let Ozzy break the news.”

Suddenly Jim felt overcome with emotion as he looked to the couch and then the flowers.

“I just want you to know if there's anything I can do, I'm here for you both,” he said, “I'll help in any way I can, I know it must be tough... I understand that he's been very sick... is he going to recover or....”

“I think I'll leave the explaining to Oswald,” Ed said with a smile, and he placed his hand on Jim's shoulder and gave it a gentle squeeze, “It's really moving that you're so caring, Jim. But under the circumstances, hearing the rumours, then seeing the videos I sent you, I get why you would think the way you do...” he laughed, suddenly there was a wicked gleam in his eyes that reminded Jim of Riddler, then it was gone, “You need to realise that was just a few selected parts of a very long video diary - and we put some moments together to make it look… _slightly inaccurate_. The reason was purely to be sure we could trust you. I'm sorry about that. Now we know we can, everything will make perfect sense...”

He paused, leaning back in his chair as he looked to the door.

“Oz!” he called, “Jim Gordon is here!”

Jim looked to the door. As it opened, Jim rose from his seat. Oswald walked into the room in a fine suit with his air swept up into spikes, his eyes were sparkling and he smiled warmly. Now Jim was really confused, Oswald looked glowing with health.

“I know it's been confusing,” he said as he leaned on his cane and hurried over to him, “But I'm going to explain everything. Yes, I was in a lot of pain and all the stuff about the toxins poisoning me is true. Everything you saw on those videos was accurate. _But there was a reason_.”

He went over to the couch, leaned his cane against the wall and then sat down in a fluid, energetic movement, siting back against the cushions as he put his feet up and got comfortable. He looked to Ed, then to Jim, and he was still smiling.

“But I thought it was serious, I thought you were dying,” Jim said.

Oswald glanced at Ed.

“You arranged my cushions just right.”

“I want you to be comfortable,” Ed replied kindly.

Then Oswald noticed the flowers.

“Did you get those for me, Jim? They're beautiful! Ed often gives me flowers.”

He looked at Ed and their gaze lingered for a moment, then Oswald spoke again.

“Go and get my most treasured possession, Edward.”

“I'd love to, Ozzy,” he replied, then he got up and left the room.

It was then he noticed the look in Jim's eyes. With all that he had misunderstood, he knew Jim had been through more than enough, fearing the worst for him.

“I'm not dying,” he said, and he noticed the instant relief on his face as all tension vanished from Jim's expression.

“But you've been very sick?”

Oswald was smiling now. He shook his head.

“Not exactly... _Yes and no_...” he said with a hint of playful mystery in his voice.

Then Ed returned to the room and handed Oswald his shotgun.

“There you go, Ozzy,” he said, “Your most precious possession.”

Oswald glared at Ed, then he leaned it against his shoulder and as Ed laughed, he started to laugh too, recalling the old days.

“It still feels so right to hold it again!” he said fondly, then he handed it back to Ed and his expression became serious once more.

“Put it away and go and get my _real_ cherished possession!”

“Of course, and mine too!”

“And take your time – give me ten minutes to explain everything to Jim.”

Ed glanced at Jim.

“I am one plus one yet make three, what am I?” he asked.

Jim shook his head. He was so confused right now, that a riddle was the last thing he needed.

“You don't know the answer? Then you're in for a big shock,” said Ed, and then he left the room.

 

Now they were alone together, Oswald settled back comfortably and looked at Jim, who looked back at him with a confused expression as he waited for an answer.

“Before I explain,” Oswald said, “I'm aware that a lot of emotion was dragged up over this – and I also recall our last meeting on the pier. You asked me if I ever really loved you, and I didn't answer your question.”

“It's been ten years....” Jim looked away, but Oswald reached over and touched his hand, then he drew it back again as he met his gaze.

“I do owe you an answer,” he said, “Yes Jim, I _did_ love you. _But I loved Ed more_.”

Jim nodded, taking his answer as making perfect sense all these years later, after so much had happened.

“And so you should,” he agreed, “You belong together.”

“I knew that back then,” Oswald admitted, “Remember that day I had the documents on me and you asked me about one of them? It was a legal agreement, I got Ed to sign it to agree that if we resumed our relationship there would be no more violence. I was seeing you at the time, I just wanted to cover every future possibility. He didn't even know what he signed until later. Not that he would ever hurt me now, so much has changed.”

Jim didn't even feel angry. Of course he would do that, Penguin always got what he wanted and always planned for every possibility, he liked to cover all angles...

Then Oswald turned his attention back to the matter at hand, as a smile lit up his face as his eyes sparkled.

“Back to the reason you're here... as I said, I'm _not_ sick and I'm certainly not dying! There's nothing wrong with me...”

He paused, there was a look on his face that said he was very pleased and proud about something, and he was waiting for Jim to guess what it was. Jim had no clue as he looked back at him.

“Then what happened?” he asked.

“ _I had a baby!”_ Oswald announced proudly.

Jim's jaw dropped. Oswald saw the look on his face and laughed. Jim was still trying to find his voice as the thought _Men can't have babies_ ran though his mind.

“You had a... wait, how the hell can you have a baby?”

Oswald began to explain:

“Ten years back, after Ed was facing a long recovery from the surgery, I went to see Hugo Strange to find out if there was anything he could do to help him recover faster. He told me Ed was making a good recovery and it needed to take its time, so there was nothing he could do for him. Then I noticed Strange was working on something, and I asked him to tell me about it. That was the day I found out he had plans to create an organic implant that can enable anyone to conceive – it works by the host taking a formula that enables the implant to talk to the host DNA so it can create the right environment to draw in the sperm and create the foetus, once the pregnancy starts, it's all contained within the implant, which can only expand a certain amount before it has to be taken out – which only covers the first three months. Then the implant is opened up and the baby grows for the next six months in the lab.”

He paused.

“Wow...” Jim whispered.

“And this is all legal, by the way,” Oswald added, “It was all funded by the city with full approval by the authorities. Strange had started it as a project to help women with fertility problems, but when I asked if anyone could use one of those implants, that's when he realised how big this invention could become. I told him, as soon as the prototype is ready, I'm his volunteer because I wanted a baby with Ed.”

Now everything he had seen on the videos made sense. Ed wasn't being cruel when he was laughing and fooling around when Oswald felt so unwell, he was just excited, because he knew he was going to be a father...

“And you had to wait ten years.”

“It took Ed two years to get over the surgery,” Oswald paused, recalling less happy times, “He needed me to look after him. He had weakness in his right hand, he was forgetful, I had to feed him and get him dressed every day for the first few months. But he recovered and then we put our lives back together....” his mood brightened again, “Then Strange said he had the prototype ready, at last. He said if we waited a few more years there would be less risk to me – the risk is all to the host, the baby safe inside the implant – but I couldn't wait any longer.”

“And everything that could go wrong, did?” Jim guessed.

Oswald nodded.

“I was sick from the medication, then the implant failed early... it leaked toxins into my body, it was _very_ complicated to remove – what should have been a small cut and a couple of stitches turned into something else entirely...” he briefly paled at the memory, “I was in such a mess I may as well have given birth to a full term baby! I can't explain what the pain was like – I can only compare it to feeling like I'd sat on a cactus wrapped in razor wire!”

As he carried on in detail about his injuries and his internal stitches, Jim recalled Victor's warning about too much information as he briefly looked away, trying to think of a way to change the subject.

“It was three months before the pain stopped,” Oswald was saying, “Even to this day if I'm in the car and we go over a bump in the road it all comes back to me -”

“So you carried the baby for three months?” Jim cut in quickly.

Oswald blinked.

“Yes, just the first three months. Then after the implant was taken out, I had all the pain to get through from the complications, on top of that I got this crazy kind of depression thing because I knew it was gone, there was nothing there any more.. I was pining for my baby, even though I knew it was safe in the lab in the gestation chamber.”

“That must have been tough,” Jim agreed.

“It was. I needed anti depressants for eight weeks. I just wanted to be with her.”

 _Her?_ Jim started to smile.

“You have daughter?”

Oswald smiled proudly.

“Yes, we do. She's two months old now.”

Suddenly everything made sense; Jim's detective skills had finally put the pieces together.

“All the secrecy... it's because you don't want the press to bother you, being the first to use the implant.”

“Exactly,” Oswald agreed, “Ed and I don't want her growing up with media attention. The other reason is the past. As soon as the press get involved, the past gets dragged up. I can gloss over my criminal connections because I was also known for being mayor of Gotham – but it's not so easy for Ed, not with his past. That's not the kind of stuff we want our daughter hearing about as she grows up.”

“Of course,” Jim agreed. Then he realised something else and laughed.

“That's why you look so tired sometimes – you're up at night feeding her!”

“Usually three or four times a night,” Oswald replied.

Then Jim thought of something else.

“How come you're such good friends with Barbara these days?”

“Barbara has fertility issues and she wants to try the implant method. I persuaded Strange to put her on the waiting list. He's not going to make the method available again for two more years because he wants to improve safety, especially after the rough time I had....” he paused, then added, “I was in so much pain it gave me such crazy thoughts. I remember thinking, if I'd still been with you and we were doing this I bet it would have been the other way round.”

“What?” said Jim, feeling confused.

Oswald smiled.

“If destiny had been different, it wouldn't have been me having the babies, I felt very sure you would have done that for me, to spare me the pain. In fact, I probably would have suggested it.”

Jim looked away briefly as he smiled, remembering how he had learned the hard way that Penguin always got what he wanted - he wouldn't have suggested anything, he would have tried to insist... And he had just realised, back then, when he had been in love with Oswald and willing to do anything for him, it certainly wouldn't have involved carrying his babies... _He could just see it now, calling in sick and Harvey saying, “Penguin's knocked you up again, Jim? How many more kids are you going to have with that guy?”_

He would always cherish the memory of what they had shared, Oswald's name would always take up a small piece of his heart. But as for the rest of it, Jim had his life exactly how he wanted it, and his biggest commitment was his career as a cop and nothing would ever change that...

“How come Ed didn't offer to do it for you?” Jim asked.

“Ed had been through enough with the surgery. After taking two years to recover, even though he was cured, it could have been too much for him. Also, I really wanted him to father our baby.”

“Are you going to have any more kids?” Jim asked. By now it was sinking in, Oswald had really had a baby. It had been with use of experimental technology, and he hadn't carried the child full term, but he had definitely conceived with Ed and now they had a daughter.

“No, I can't have any more,” Oswald replied “The complications when the unit failed left me with too much damage and scarring. Thankfully my body is just fine now – at least, I think it is, me and Ed still have a great sex life, he says everything feels great when we -”

“I'm glad to know everything is ...back to normal,” Jim cut in quickly, as he changed the subject, “So, what did you name her?”

Just at that moment, Ed walked into the room cradling his baby daughter in his arms.

The answer to my riddle is Family,” he said, “And as for her name...Oswald gave it great consideration and decided to name our daughter after a very special woman who had a huge impact on his life,” as he joined them, Ed had a playful gleam in his eyes, _“But I told Oswald I didn't think Fish was a very pretty name!”_

Oswald laughed as he shook his head.

“Stop it, Ed!”

“I was just kidding,” Ed replied, “We named her Gertrude – Gertie, after Oswald's wonderful mother.”

As he stood beside his seat, he proudly showed off the child he cradled in his arms, now Jim understood the reason why Oswald's mother's photo had been up online and what that comment about her eyes had meant... Oswald's daughter had eyes like her grandmother, and raven black hair like Oswald, and she had Ed's smile as she looked at him. She was wearing lilac and wrapped in a yellow blanket.

“Let's give you to Daddy,” said Ed, and as Oswald took his daughter in his arms and sat back against the cushions on the couch, it warmed Jim's heart to see the look of pure contentment on his face as he gazed down at his child.

“Daddy loves you so much, sweetheart,” Oswald said.

Jim looked on, watching as he realised that last trace of his broken heart was gone – this was Oswald's life now, with Ed, in the life he wanted, and the life he deserved. They were happy. Everything had worked out as it had meant be...

 

Much later, after dinner and pictures with the guys and Gertie, then Ed shooting some more videos of Jim's visit, Jim was driven home by Victor.

As he drove away from the mansion, Victor glanced at him and smiled.

“You look like you had a great time.”

“I did, they invited me over next weekend, I'm looking forward to it,” Jim replied.

“Did Oswald tell you all about his epic ordeal?”

Jim laughed.

“Yeah, I came close to too much information a couple of times but I changed the subject!”

Victor gave a sigh as he shook his head.

“He still goes on about it, if I hit a bump in the road he makes so much fuss! It's like the saga of his pain in the ass is never ending! There's nothing wrong with him, on Friday nights Ivy babysits and I pick the guys up from the club. Believe me, after what I've seen going on in that back seat when Penguin's drunk and all over Ed, there's nothing wrong with him at all now, he was over it months ago!”

Jim laughed again.

Then as they passed the river, he caught sight of the pier in the distance, but no ghostly images shimmered there in an embrace from the past now. Jim felt sure that every time he stepped out on that fire exit at work, he would still fondly remember Oswald standing there beneath the shade of his umbrella, saying _I love you, Jim Gordon!_ But now he would recall it with a smile and feel no regrets. He thought about that question that had taken ten years to answer, and the moment when Oswald had said, _“Yes Jim, I did love you. But I loved Ed more.”_ Of course he did, he always had. Jim guessed he probably knew that even when Oswald had sworn they were through – he would never leave Ed, on some level, Jim had always known it, even if back then, he had not wanted to face up to it... Now he was just happy for them, and happy to be back in their lives as a friend, now that circumstances were very different.

Victor stopped the car outside Jim's apartment.

“Thanks for the ride,” Jim said.

“Is Penguin the only guy from the opposite side of the law that you've ever dated?” Victor wondered.

“Why?” Jim asked.

“No reason... I was just wondering if you'd ever consider going for a date with some guy who might have criminal activity in his past... when I say _date_ , I mean, go for a few beers and shoot some pool at a mutually convenient time?”

“I might, it depends on the guy,” Jim replied.

“Okay,” Victor replied, then he pulled a folded piece of paper from his pocket and handed it to him.

“What's this?” asked Jim.

“Just my number again,” Victor said, “Call me -”

He laughed softly.

“I'm over Oswald. I don't need to talk about him now, it's all in the past.”

“I know that. I just mean, call me... _if you'd like to go for a few beers and shoot some pool at a mutually convenient time?_ ”

He saw the playful look in Victor's eyes, and then he laughed softly and so did Victor. In that moment he realised he rather liked this guy, he was down to earth, he made him laugh, he wasn't demanding and he liked their shared conversations, too...

“I will call you, Victor,” he said, smiling as he got out of the car.

“Great, see you soon,” Victor replied, then he smiled back at him, started up the car and drove away.

A short while later, Jim was in his apartment, standing at the window and looking out at the view of the city. In the distance, the waters of the river looked kissed by gold as the sunset lowered. For a moment he thought of Oswald, then he felt sure those memories would always flicker like ghosts, him and Oswald up in the office together, then that day on the pier, and the time Oswald had turned up at work to tell him he loved him. Even here in the apartment, if he looked out in the hallway, he recalled the spot where he had fallen to his knees and passionately apologised for their quarrel.

But none of that mattered now, Oswald was where he should be, where he had always wanted to be – at home with Ed with their baby in his arms.

Jim was certain no regrets or heartaches lingered now. The future was suddenly unknown and bright with possibilities, and none of them involved looking back to the past: _When memories returned to him him now, they would be remembered only with fondness, and if memories were like ghosts, he knew for sure the ghosts were happy now..._

 

End.

 

 


End file.
